Kellin Quinn is My Father

F O U R

I never went to bed. It is now 3:30 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I turned the light on that was in the room. I took my sketch book out. I opened to a new page. I went over the the mirror and sat down on the floor. I started to draw my eye and a little bit of my face. Underneath the eye was a city with a forest in the back ground. I went up to the eye. I started drawing line that made it look like glass that is broken. Underneath the "broken eye" was a girl that was looking up like she is looked up in the sky. I made it look like her dress was a lake and around her was a forest.
I was the girl. Looking up. Up at the broken pieces.
My thoughts were interrupt by a soft knock on the door. It was Justin. He walked in. "Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Are you sure?" I nodded again.

-Flashback-
I was lying down on the couch.
"What is wrong with her?" Justin asked.
"Yeah. What is wrong with her?" Jack asked.
"Yeah." Nick said.
"I don't know." Kellin said. There was complete silences. "Gabe?" Kellin asked.
Don't do it Gabe. You know what I said. I won't talk to anyone if you tell. Don't break that promise. I thought.
"Her mom. She had cancer. She was depressed. She couldn't handle being there without Raven. She committed suicide in the hospital with Raven's pills." Gabe said. You broke it Gabe. I thought. He then said, "Don't tell her I told you. I wasn't suppose to tell you. I promised her." Too late Gabe.
-Back to Present-

Justin got up and left. I just sat on the ground. A little while later Jack came in. Asked the same questions. I answered the same way. Then Nick came in. Asked the same questions. I answered the same way. Then Kellin can in and ssked the same question like everyone asked. I answered the same, with a nod Finally Gabe came in. Asked the same questions. Did the same thing.

Hours passed. Still where I was. Never moved. I finally got up. I left the room. Everyone was out there. I went to the fridge and looked for food. "Raven?" Gabe asked. I shook my head. "Please talk to me." He begged.
"WHY?! SO I CAN TELL YOU MORE ABOUT ME AND HAVE YOU PROMISE TO TELL ANYONE!? WEEKS LATER YOU THINK ITS OKAY TO TELL THEM!? I TOLD YOU WHAT I WOULD DO! AND I AM GOING TO DO IT! CAUSE I WON'T BREAK MY PROMISE TO MYSELF!" I yelled. The last thing I will say. "I trusted you." I whispered. I went back to the lounge. I locked the door. I started to cry.
"RAVEN!! I AM SORRY!! PLEASE OPEN UP! THEY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT OUT OF ME SOMEWAY!! PLEASE TALK TO ME!!" He yelled through the door.
I opened the door. "I trusted you Gabe. You told them. And I trusted you." I said still crying.
"Raven. I am really sorry. But they would have figured something out if you didn't tell them." He said.
I couldn't do anything. I just stood there crying. I just wanted my mom.
"Hey. Why didn't you want to know about your mom?" Jack asked. There was Kellin, Justin and Nick behind him.
I just shook my head. I just pointed st Kellin. I said, "She didn't want Kellin to know."
"Why?" He asked.
"She didn't think you would have cared. She thought you cared more about fame then her and I. She thought you would of never came to us, and that was true. Once she died she was going to have my grandparents raise me until I was eighteen. Then I would go to court and be asked if I want to leave with them, go live with you, or live by myself." I said. "But you know, I can't go back in time."
"But I don't understand that." Kellin said getting angry.
"Well I don't know." I said giving up. "I just don't want to talk about it."
"We are going to talk about it." He shouted.
"I DON'T WANT TO!!" I yelled.
"Why?" He asked. I said nothing. "WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!?"
"CAUSE I WANT MY MOM MORE THEN I WANT YOU RIGHT NOW! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD MY LIFE AS BEEN WITHOUT YOU! KNOWING MY MOM HAVING CANCER! ME ONLY HAVING ONE FRIEND AT SCHOOL KNOWING I PROBABLY WON'T SEE HER EVER AGAIN! AND YOU!" I yelled. I started to cry. "You. You coming in my life like you have known me you whole life without even contacting me or my mother. Not even once. I just want her. I want my best friend back."
"Raven. I'm so so--"
"Save it. You just don't know me." I said. "I just want her. I want her to be with me like the last 13 years of my life. But you know, I can't go back and relive them. I just have bad memories and some good ones."
"Ra-"
"Just leave me alone." I said. "Are we at a venue?"
"Yea."
I closed the door. I got my pack of cigarettes and my lighter. I also grabbed my guitar. I put them in my pocket and opened the door. I walked pass them. I was at the door. "I will only talk to Justin and Gabe. No one else. Not from this band or any other band." I said. I then left. I walked to the back of the venue and sat down. I got out a cigarette and lite it. I took my guitar out and picked it up. I started strumming. I then started to sing:
The hardest thing I'd ever do
Is say goodbye and walk slowly away from you
But I'll do it
And after all this time I shared with you
It seems unfair to leave with nothing more than blank stares
But I'll do it
If it's for the best then I wish you well
If it helps to say our life was a living hell
Well then do it
Then do it
Then do it