Kellin Quinn is My Father

T E N

I woke up. I looked at clock and saw it read 8. Guess I'm the only one up. I walked to my closet and grabbed my black and white aztec swimsuit. I walked out of my room really quietly and walked out to the pool. I went to where the pool was the deepest. I ran and jumpped. I swam to the bottom and just sat. I didn't move.
I was sitting there for a whole until I heard someone shout "RAVEN!" It my dad. I started swimming up to the surface.
"Yea?" I said.
"There you are. Why are you in the pool?" He asked.
"I just wanted to go for a swim. Its no big deal. I just needed to clear my head." I said.
"Oh okay." He said. "Well come out and eat something."
"I will later." I said.
"You haven't been eating. Come out and eat." He said.
That me give you a quick explanation. After my dad yelled at me for smoking, the next day I didn't eat. The day after that I didn't eat. And after that and after that. I guess my body got use to it. I stopped eating and now they want me to eat. "I will." I said. "Can I just have my time alone?" I then swam back to the bottom. I moved my head up and notice someone swimming down to me. They grabbed my arm.
"Eat." Gabe said. "Now."
"Fine." I said. I started swimming the the steps and went to my room. I got in the shower and washed my hair. I then went to my closet and got an outfit. I put on black basketball shorts and a black tank top. I put my hair up and walked to the kitchen. I grabbed an apple and walked out the door with a basketball. "I'm leaving." I yelled.

*Kellin's POV*
"What is with her?" I asked.
"She is still heartbroken." Angel said. "But I have to go. Tell her I love her when she comes back."
"Same. My mom wants me to help her go shopping for a baby." Ava said. They got up and went to the door. "THANKS FOR BREAKFAST!" The shouted and the walked out.
"We have to figure out what is with her. She is never this sad." I said. Everyone in agreement. "Justin talk to her."
"Wait. Why me?" Justin said.
"She will only talk to you about you personal problems." Gabe said.
"Fine." Justin said.
He got up and went to talk to Raven.

*Raven's POV*
I went to the Pierce the Veil's house. I needed to talk to him. I don't know what to do.
Before walking there I stopped at the beach. I pulled out my blade. Do it! You know you want to! The voices in my head would tell me. You know you want to.
I couldn't handle it. I slid it across my wrist. One cut after another. I dropped the blade. I look at my arms. I cleaned up and ran out. I ran to the porch of their house. I was at the porch trying to catch my breathe. I opened the door and went to the top floor. Where Vic sleeps. I ran to the master bedroom. I saw no one in there. I searched all over the house. I the  checked outside.
"Vic." I said almost in tears.
"Raven. What is wrong?" He said running to me.
"I did something bad. I need you help. I don't think i will stop." I said crying now.
"What did you do?" He said. I showed him my wrists. "Raven. Why?"
"I couldn't take the pain. I need something. I don't draw anymore. I don't even go to the music room. I have been playing less and less. Drawing less and less. I have no one." I said sobbing now.
"Raven. You have people that love you. You have all of Sleeping with Sirens. You even have you dad." He said pulling me in for a hug. "You can start drawing and playing the guitar again. Do something. I think your dad is going on Warped Tour soon. You have to think of something else to do."
I stayed there crying. "My dad will yell at me if he sees these. Please help me." I said.
"Let's go back to you house." He said. "Hey guys! I am going to talk Raven home!" He yelled.
He walked in the house. He slipped on his vans and grabbed his car keys. He got up and we got in the car.
The ride to my house was silent. There was no talking. No music. Nothing. Just complete silence. "Are you going to tell him?" I asked breaking the silence.
"I am not going to lie to Kellin. He needs to know about this Raven. Before Warped Tour." Vic said. I just sat there. Like nothing ever happened. A few minutes passed and we where at my house. "I am telling him Raven." Vic said.
"Fine. But he will yell at me. He always yells at me." I said. "He has for the pass week because I won't--" i stopped myself.
"You won't what?" He asked.
"Nothing." I said getting out of the car walking in the house and going straight up to my room. I walked into my room and locked the door. I grabbed my phone and ear buds. I walked into the music room. I was not going to have people bug me. I walked in and went to the guitar. I took out my ear buds. I picked up my guitar. I started strumming. I started smiling. I sat down on the ground with my back towards the door. I continued strumming. I then started singing:
I pack my bags and say goodbye to my wife for what seems like the millionth time.
They said it gets easier, but they lied. She looks at me and says, "Really, baby, I will be just fine,"
But then she looks away so I don't have to see her cry. And that is when I ask myself:

How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be when I feel so alone, 'cause I left my heart at home?
She needs me, but I know they need me too. So, God, give me the strength to do what you created me to do.

Really, I'm so thankful for the people I meet, the places I've been and the things I've seen, but when she's not here it doesn't feel like I'm living my dream. I know they say that no one is perfect, but I swear she's perfect for me and that makes it so much harder to leave.

How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be when I feel so alone, 'cause I left my heart at home?
She needs me, but I know they need me too. So, God, give me the strength to do what you created me to do.

If you miss me, I'm just a phone call away. Please be strong, be strong for me. I need you to show me how to change the inside of me. For my heart, for their sake. Be strong, be strong for me!

How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be when I feel so alone, so alone?

How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be when I feel so alone, 'cause I left my heart at home?
She needs me, but I know they need me too. So, God, give me the strength to do what you created me to do.

"Nice singing." It was Kellin.
"Go ahead. Yell." I said not facing him.
"I'm not going to yell." He said.
"Then what are you going to do?" I asked.
"I just want to talk." He said. I still don't look at him. I just put the guitar away and grab my phone. I walked to my balcony. I sit down in the chair. "Why would you do it?" He asked.
"I don't know." I said.
"Yes you do. Why?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "Why Raven?"
"I MISS MY MOM! I MISS MY OLD HOUSE! I MISS EVERYTHING I USE TO HAVE!" I yelled. "I feel cold. Like when I was in Alaska, for a trip her and I went one. I remember holding my mom. I miss hugging her to keep warm. We would always look in the sky. Look at the stars. I have never been so happy. I miss coming home with her. Holding her. Hugging her. She was my warmth. Whenever I'm not near her, not hugging her, I am cold. Not just cold, but freezing cold. I miss her." I was in tears now.
"Raven. We can help you. But we need you to talk to us." He said.
"It's not easy being me. I had depression. I still do. The thing was that it was terrible. One day it died down. It had been. That day, I was cold, not freezing cold. Every since that day when Doctor Brown came, I became freezing cold. Coming here and remembering that I don't have a mother, I've been down. I've been depressed. I just couldn't handle it. I never was able to. I thought I could go to school, enjoy life as a student. Which I did. I got straight A's. Out through middle school. And highschool. That is why I skipped a year. They thought I was too advance for school. I took all senior classes last year. I am done with school. I just have history and then I graduate. I will be done. School was the only place I could fake being happy. My mother knew something was up with me. I could never be fake. School was the place I could be. I was able to be fake happy. At school. Here. You guys never noticed it. Until I stopped eating." I said. "I'm done talking."
"Okay." He said. He got up and kissed my forehead. He left after. I broke down crying.
"Why did it have to be you? WHY NOT ME!?" I screamed at myself. "I need you mom. I miss you. You were apart of me I can never have back."