Deep Regression

Stay

Chapter Playlist: Possibilities By twilight saga. Stay by Rihanna.

The pancakes in my mouth was like heaven on a plate. Sooo peaceful yet with the enlightenment of happiness.
"All done already?" A familiar voice laughs above me.
I lift my eyes from the syrupy plate and see Kevin. He's sort of my one night stand person, Friend with benefits, and it's not really hard to think of him as anything else other than a fuck buddy and a friend. I don't normally go for the cliche and have a "friend" like him, but what we do together really helps distract me from my past.
"So we on for tonight?" He goes to the other side of the booth and sits down.
"Definitely." I turn my eyes back down to my glass of milk.
I hear long sigh from him and confusion crosses over my face. My eyes automatically turn up to his eyes.
"Selena, why are you doing this to yourself?" Kevin's eyes sincere with an unreadable emotion.
"Because it helps. The pain that you give me distracts something else."
"It's not right Selena, you really shouldn't be like this."
"I need you to do this for me Kevin." I plead him with my eyes.
If he doesn't and I lose my regular. I'll crack, break, and get caught for sure by the government.
"I don't think I can anymore, hurt you physically, and mentally damage you. Your screams still haunt me Selena, from that first night, they'll always haunt me." Another emotion crosses his face, but he's quick to hide it.
I think back to my first night with Kevin and remember how rough and painful it was. The best therapy lesson he's ever given me.
"Kevin, don't you leave me hanging."
"I'm sorry, I can't help you anymore, Someone has come into the picture and I won't cheat on her anymore."
"Kevin please don't do this. I have too many demons to kill." My voice soaked in desperation.
"I'm sorry."
With those last two words I know that I'll never see Kevin again, and a part of me is almost thankful. He was the only way to kill them though, the only distraction. He gets up and leaves me with my memories and never looks back at me.
"Goodbye." I whisper.
I feel my world start crumbling and then it all comes back again. The first time I've ever felt my world crash and crumble to bits and pieces.
I can't be here when I break, not now. I toss money onto the table and run like hell out of the diner. No one is going to see me break, no one will see my heart, no one will hurt me. Only four people have the right to do any of those things.
I continue to run up the sidewalks to my apartment and bump into various people on their way to work or on their way home.
My feet carrying me through the apartment buildings door and then up two flights of stairs. I feel like screaming, breaking things, GLASS things. GOD THIS FUCKING HURTS!
I hit the last step and turn in through a door to my right. The sound of the metal door clicking back in place is absent from my hearing at the moment and replaced by a crash. It sounded like glass hitting the floor, and it sounded like it was coming from my apartment.
I open my door instantly and reveal my room mate on her knees with tears in her eyes and glass on the floor from her mother's vase. This was happening right in front of my eyes in the middle of my kitchen.
"Jane?"
She picks up a glass piece and goes to her arm with it. Oh no, GOD no, FUCK no! I run to her and begin trying to pry the glass from her hands.
"No! Jane, stop! You can't do this!" I scream at her.
"Yes I can!" She screams through her sobs back.
"Don't make me call them Jane!"
"I don't care anymore!" She screams.
She digs into her arm with the glass and I watch as the blood starts. My hands tremble as they search for my phone on my body. Fumbling to get it out of my front pocket.
My fingers begin dialing and pray that she stops soon. Jane screams louder out in pain.
"Hello!?" I ask frantically.
"This is ill, Where are you located?"
"Branch street, apartment 25, 78901, HURRY!"
I hang up immediately and wait for the sirens to blare as they come closer and closer. Jane shrivels on the ground and goes to her other arm with the sharply shattered glass. My hands automatically grab onto her wrist and try to pry the glass from her hand.
"NO!" She screams.
"Jane Stop! You can't do this to me!" I scream back.
The sirens begin and they're audible, finally. I just need to distract her long enough for them to come and retrieve her. The feeling of betrayal deep inside me, we promised each other that we wouldn't turn each other in, but now look at me. Such a Bitch.
She falls limp to the floor and I hurriedly catch her head before it hits the shards of glass.
"Jane, you can't leave me, you won't leave me!" I shout at her.
Her skin turns pale and a whole pool of blood surrounds me. Jane doesn't even utter a word as the door opens and men rush around me. Men in white cloaks and sterilized cologne, the ill has come. Numbness is rapidly consuming my body as I watch them lift Jane from the ground and begin CPR on her lifeless body.
She's gone, Left me alone in this world, and it's all my fault again. I killed another human being, not surprising honestly to me, I've done it before. My heart shuts down from feeling and I don't utter a sob or even break a tear for Jane.
"Miss...Miss..." A distant voice comes to me.
"Miss...Miss... Are you Okay?" A government official's voice echoes.
I can't speak, not with my leg severely burnt and taking all my energy to not scream out in pain. My mind completely in Chaos as people slowly walk past my vision. A light passes over each eye and an official still tries to get me to say something.
"Miss, what is your name?" His voice loud in my ears.
"Stay." I whisper under my breath.
A hand steadily clamps onto my shoulder and I'm brought back to reality. I turn around and see a brunette man about my height and age.
"Selena, I'm sorry, I wish...."
His voice just trailed off as I go numb all over again. I numb my fear, hurt, pain, and...depression.
"Stay." I whisper under my ragged breathing.