Deep Regression

A thousand knives

His hand grazes against mine until I just grip onto his fingers. My body laying on the soft mattress and blanket clothed bed. His bed.
Peter lays beside me and his heat radiates from his hand to mine.
"I love you Selena." He just whispers out into mid air.
I swallowed hard and breathed.
"I love you too, Peter."
"Can we talk?"
"Of course we can." I reply in confusion.
"Alright, well, with our engagement...I've been thinking about our future and..."
"And?" I continue.
"And...what if in that future, there happens to be another person crawling around?"
I stopped breathing right then. Kids? Is he saying that he wants kids with me?! HES INSANE TO WANT KIDS WITH ME!
"Kids?"
"Ya...Kids. What do you think?"
"I think that your insane to want kids with me." I laugh out.
"Really?" His voiced almost hurt.
"Yes, I mean, I want them, God do I want them with you, but Peter...I'm kind of crazy."
He squeezes my hand in response and pulled me closer to his body.
"No your not, but you really want kids with me?" Hope rising inside him.
"Yes, I couldn't imagine anything greater than that."
I turned my head to look at his eyes but he was already looking. Peter's brown chocolate eyes with a sincerity about the shape and expression.
"If we had a boy, what would you name him?"
"Hmm, Darren?"
"I like it, but what about Damion?"
"It's..pretty.."
"Pretty?"
"Ya, uh, what about Austin?"
"Hmm, Could work."
I squeeze his hand tight, and I know why. We can't be together, it just won't work, and it tears me up inside. It really does, I feel like I can't breathe but yet I can feel a thousand knives cut into me.
"Sel, don't cry."
I wipe away my tears for us and try to cover my face with a smile.
"Sorry, I'm just so happy."
"Me too."
Me too.
"Peter I need to leave, I'll be back."
I get up off his bed and exit the room.