Goner |j.d|

|9|

(A.N: HERES A CHAPTER FOR YOU GUYS, SORRY ITS SHORT BUT I NEEDED THIS TO TAKE PLACE. ALSO, SHOUTOUT TO KATIE_ROSSI FOR THE SWEET DM THAT MADE ME WANT TO CONTINUE WRITING THE BEST THAT I CAN WRITE. TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS ALL HAPPENING, ITS BECAUSE FAITH IS SCARED THAT SINCE THE MAN SAW JOSH, THAT JOSH WILL BE FOUND AND WILL BE TAKEN AWAY FROM HER. ALSO, I WOULD RECOMMEND LISTENING TO SOME LIKE SOFT INSTRUMENTALS DURING THIS CHAPTER, I PUT A GOOD SONG AT THE TOP. ENJOY!)

The ride back home was quiet after Josh told me why we had left in such a hurry. I had so many thought running through my head and I was feeling so many different emotions that it was difficult not to burst into tears.

We arrived back to the apartment and I stepped out of the car and noticed that it was gently drizzling. I pushed my hair out of my face and slammed the car door, seeing Josh still sitting inside, staring out his passenger side window. I continued to walk up the wet cement pathway to the building door, not really caring whether or not Josh was following me. I couldn't stand the silence of the elevator with all of these thoughts coming at me, so I took the stairs. There even came a point when I almost collapsed on the stairs because I was becoming too scared of my mind.

I unlocked my door and entered, shutting it behind me. I had thought at first that I had heard the pitter-patter of Josh's feet coming up the stairs, but it must've just been a figment of my imagination. I tossed my keys onto my coffee table and sat down on the edge of my couch, leaning forward. I noticed a stack of tiny papers sticking out from all of my magazines I had piled up next to my keys, and slid my fingers around the stack to pull them out.

I turned them over to see that it was a stack of Polaroid pictures that I had taken with Josh when we first met. I felt my eyes begin to ache as I flipped from one picture to the next, the series starting from an accidental photo we had taken; our faces confused, to another picture of us laughing when we realized that we had taken the first picture, to a few silly ones of us, to ones of us smiling at each other, then ones of us kissing to the last photo when Josh had put his hand in front of the camera lens while we were kissing.

I could feel myself smiling, but I could also feel my heart aching like it never had before. Josh is still here, but for some reason, it feels like he is gone. Like he won't ever come back. Like I miss him and I'm waiting for him to come home.

I came back in touch with reality and realized that while I was away, Josh still hadn't come back. The couch space next to me looked so vast and dark without him being there, illuminating the whole space with his smile. I tried to push all of the memories out of my head that were trying to force their way in. I ran my hand across my cheek, feeling the wetness transfer onto my fingertips. I hadn't realized that I had been crying until now.

I blinked slowly until the tear dangling from my eyelash had fallen off, and felt it run down my cheek, making me want to cry harder.

I stood up from the couch and made my way over to my door, passing the mirror on my wall on the way. I decided to look in the mirror and wipe off the make up that had left a trail. I licked my thumb and began swiping the black away from under my eyes and on my cheeks, but stopped after a minute to realize something.

This is the first time I've seen myself look like this, this sad, since I met Josh. He was the one who made this mess that I call my life turn upside down along with the frown I have worn for so long.

I backed away from the mirror and pushed my back up against the door to my apartment and slid down, tears constantly falling.

"Why Josh? I don't want to lose you. I love you!" I gasped, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I leaned my head back on the door and wiped my tears away again, although the tears were still going. I heard a sniffle, and then a hushed tone from the other side of the door.

"I love you too, Faith. More than you will ever know."