Goner |j.d|

|19|

My trembling hand reached quietly for the unfamiliar door handle. The early morning light hit my eyes quickly, and I shielded myself from the dreaded sun. I began my seemingly long walk down Tyler's driveway to my car. I felt still slightly drunken from last nights affairs, but nonetheless, I had to return home as soon as possible in hopes that Josh was still in a deep slumber. I ran through my head the scarce amount of excuses I had for my absence in case, upon entering my home, a cross-armed Josh sat on my couch, his eyes full of angered wonder.

"Oh, Josh, Darling, I drank too much to get home and rented a hotel." ...No. Why wouldn't I have taken a cab? Nothing. I can only hope that he wouldn't ask any questions.

I continuously eyed one of the million photos I had taken with Josh that hung from my rear-view mirror with a guilty pit in my stomach. How could I have done this to him? Slept with his best friend? I'm a monster. Tears welled up in my eyes and collected at the bottom of my sunglasses. I reached a hand up to wipe them away. As I did so, I heard something, I saw something, that made goosebumps run through my whole body. Lights. Sirens. A cop.

I pulled over to the side of the road a bit sideways, as I was too distracted by trying to fix everything that would've made the police officer have any reason to suspect me of doing anything wrong. I yanked at my seatbelt and clicked it into place, popped a piece of gum from my glove box into my mouth to hide the apparent alcohol in my breath, and threw on a fake smile as I rolled my window down. A man stood next to my car, hunching down to greet me. He looked exactly like the stereotypical douchebag cop; silver reflective aviator sunglasses, a bike-handle style mustache, and a slight grin. Looking this way, I prepared myself for the absolute worst. Obnoxiously chomping his gum, his minty breath made his way to my ear.

"Good morning, Ma'am. Do you know of any reason I may have pulled you over?"

I felt the anger swelling inside me already, but I kept that large smile plastered on my face.

"No, sir, I do not. I may have been speeding? I am on my way home to see my boyfriend. I was supposed to be home last night but I ended up staying at a friends... I think he may not be too happy about that."

He chuckled a bit, and nodded. "Yeah, that'd be it..." He pushed his sunglasses down and examined the inside of my car. I reached over for my license and registration, as I knew that he'd soon be asking for it. I turned back, correct paperwork in hand and saw him squinting at something. I followed his line of sight and felt immediate chills again as I realized he was focused on the picture of Josh and I, slightly swinging.

"Is that him?" He asked, his voice filled with great concern.

"N... no sir, it's not. That's an old friend. Haven't seen him for years. We stopped having contact long ago." I stuttered, making my story up as I went and hoped that it sounded believable.

He eyeballed it for a few seconds more, and thankfully, looked back to me, grabbing my papers from my grip.

"Hmm. Guess he just looked familiar."

He let go of the topic, and I internally threw a party due to the fact that I had lied my way through the extremely nerve-wracking question. I sat quietly as a he continued looking through my items. Sighing, he handed them back to me.

"Listen here, young lady. I don't see any previous tickets or problems before, so I'm going to let you off with a warning this time But you better watch your speed from now on."

We finished up our brief conversation and I thanked him and pulled away, feeling like I had just hit the jackpot by getting away Scott free. How lucky I was for him not recognizing my drunkenness, nor Josh.

Pulling into my parking space, I gathered myself to make sure I didn't have a massive heart attack when I walked inside. I said a prayer to myself before pulling my keys from my ignition and making my way up the dreaded stairs to the dreaded door after the very eventful night. I took a deep breath and turned the handle cautiously, peeking my eyes around the corner of the door in search of Josh. I didn't see any type of movement whatsoever. I swung the door open, a slight sigh of relief escaped from my lips when I realized that Josh was nowhere in sight. I still had some time to think of an excuse. I headed over to the couch, and as I did so, an absolute miracle happened. On the floor next to a newly opened bag of potato chips and a stack of magazines, was my way out. About a dozen empty beer cans scattered around my floor, some tipped over and some farther away from the couch than the others. I thought about it, and put it together that as soon as Josh had gotten too drunk to stay awake, he headed off to the bedroom and still lay there, passed out, or more likely, puking in the bathroom. My story was set and I reminded myself how lucky I was getting today.

I tip-toed to the hallway and to the end, where my bedroom door was slightly ajar. I looked through the crack, and to my delight, there he was, in a slumber. He looked so beautiful. How ridiculous. A man being beautiful. But he was. There is no other way to describe it. The way the tiny gleams of light from my shades shined across his face, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, his brow slightly furrowed. He was perfect.

I pushed the door open and crept to the bed, lifting my covers and scooting next to him. I wrapped my arms around his bare chest, his warm feeling so comforting. I fell back asleep, experiencing an extreme feeling of peace I shouldn't have been feeling after what I had done.

I knew I shouldn't have felt that way. I woke up to my body shaking violently. My eyes bursted open, and I saw Josh hovering about me, grabbing my arms with an extreme amount of might, pushing my body back and forth. This is it.