and then you left // cth

chapter 11: sorry

this pic will be explained in this chapter ahaha

alexis

I have no fucking clue what time it is.

And the weird thing is, I don't care. I am actually having fun, making a friend, laughing. I haven't felt like this in so long.

Ashton and Michael left a few hours ago, but Luke and I stayed, talking about the most random topics possible that ranged from our thoughts on plucking nose hairs, to why the squeal to Mean Girls was so bad.

Don't ask me why Luke has seen that chick-flick, because I have no idea.

Right now we are laughing so hard about this picture that he showed me of a child shoving their finger up a moose's nose. The picture itself isn't actually that funny it's just that when you have been laughing for two straight hours, and it is late enough at night, you will laugh at anything.

Luke stares at the empty glass in his hand, that was once filled with Coke. He glances at my cup, which is also empty, and then smiles.

"Hey, do you wanna go upstairs and grab some more drinks?" he asks me, and I find myself nodding and realizing that I am quite thirsty. He grins and stands, before holding out his hand. I look at it for a moment, unsure of what to do and noticing how long his fingers are. But I eventually take it, allowing him to pull me up.

He then intertwines his fingers with mine.

And at first it's fine. He smiled shyly at me and then looks down at our hands, swinging them back and forth a bit.

But then a picture of Calum floods my mind and I let go with a panic.

Luke looks hurt, which is understandable. I am staring across the room, at a framed photo of Luke and who I'm guessing is him mom, and focusing on not having an attack. I can't seem to get enough air in my lungs, and my fingers are starting to shake. I fold them in front of me, hoping Luke doesn't notice.

I really don't want to fuck up everything we have, everything we just created, essentially.

I think he sees that I am struggling to get enough oxygen in my lungs, as the look of hurt in his eyes is replaced with worry. It takes me a moment to get over it. A moment of telling myself to breath over and over again, and praying that some miracle can happen.

Thankfully, the attack passes before it can become horrible, and then I can breath and think again.

Luke seems really nice. We have a lot in common and he's funny and happens to be good looking. He made me laugh tonight more than anyone has in the past six months combined.

But we can't hold hands. Or anything that comes after that.

"I-I'm sorry." I stutter quietly. He manages to smile at me, but its clear that he doesn't mean it. Confusion is in his eyes and I can practically see his wheels turning.

"No, it's fine. I shouldn't have done that. No worries." he says nonchalantly, and begins walking up the steps, dropping it the subject. I appreciate the fact that he doesn't pry so much.

"Luke," I say and grab his hand. He turns around, but he's still standing on the step so he's several feet taller than my 5'5 height. He is really tall to say the least. Probably more than six feet. He looks at me expectantly. I notice he doesn't intertwine our fingers. I really appreciate that, he is trying to understand and respect me.

I take a deep breath.

"I went through something a while ago that really fucked me up. It involved my boyfriend. And you don't seem like the kinda guy who would hurt me like he did, but I just..." I inhale again, allowing the oxygen to sooth my lungs as a look of pity crosses Luke's face. "I don't think I can trust anyone ever Or like, date anyone ever again"

Disappointment flashed across his eyes, but he is quick to cover it.

"Okay. Friends?" he asks, and hold out his hand, but in a different way this time. He's asking for a high five. I smile.

"Friends." I say and slap his hand. He fakes an injury, inspecting the faux wound. We start up the stairs, but before he turns around, he says one more thing.

"But just so you know, I would never hurt you." he says quickly, trying to rush the words out of his head.

Yeah. That's what Calum said too.

...
damn i wish luke would reach do my hand

alexis is lightweight annoying but