and then you left // cth

chapter 21: lex-bug

alexis

Luke stares at me expectantly, awaiting answers. After we sat in the park for a few hours, he'd insisted to drive me home. I accepted the offer not because I wanted help from him, but because I had no other way of getting home. The ride had been silent and sad, with no music playing and only the sounds of Luke's breathing and my occasional sobs filling the air. When we'd arrived at my house, he had tried to come inside with me but I assured him I would be okay. This was far from the truth, but I was a good liar and so he believed me. He told me that he was going to leave and then come back, to which I'd refused. I just wanted to be alone, but no one seemed to understand that. Perhaps everyone was scared of what I would do if I was left alone with only my horrible and self destructive thoughts.

I had hoped that Luke would bail and not show up later, but as promised, he'd knocked on my door just as the sun had started to set. This forced me to put on an act and pretend that I was fine. Though in reality, I was falling apart.

"Alright," Luke says as he settles on my floor beside my bed. He folds his long legs under with him and stares at me expectantly. He'd turned off his phone before sitting down, and I assumed this was to show that I had his full attention. This was far from what I wanted.

It's nearly 10pm, and the sun had just gone down over the horizon. That was one thing I hated about summer, the late sunsets. I loved the night and the moon and the darkness that it entailed. But it was nearing July, and so the sun stayed out for much longer than I considered it welcome.

Gram will soon knock on my door and tell me goodnight, but I did not want her to interrupt the conversation I was about to have. Though I planned on only telling Luke the bare minimum to make him happy, I wanted to spare the story from as many people as possible.

"One sec," I tell Luke and stand up. Before I can walk away, he grabs my hand and I'm forced to look down at him. "I'm coming back," I promise him, and he looks into my eyes for a moment to ensure I am telling him the truth, before he nods and releases me.

I pad into the hallway, glancing back at Luke once more before shutting the door silently. I walk down to the living room, where Gram is sitting and watching some old comedy.

As I walk down the stairs, I try to make up a story to tell Luke, instead of the truth. But absolutely nothing comes to mind.

"Gram?" I call from the bottom step, and she looks at me and smiles. She pauses her show and looks at me expectantly.

"I'm going to bed," I tell her. She nods.

"Goodnight, dear."

"Night," I say one last time and turn to go back up the stairs, but she interrupts me.

"Alexis?"

"Uh-huh?" She purses her lips and looks at me, an unrecognizable look on her face.

"Is something wrong? When you got home today, you looked- I don't know. How did Luke's show go?" She asks carefully. She's always been very observant, and she always picks up on the little things. But she can't know anything. I'm about to tell Luke more than I've told anyone about what happened between Calum and I.

That's enough for one day.

"I'm fine." The lie that I tell far too often slips out of my mouth with ease, giving my grandmother false reassurance. And then I run up the stairs, before she can speak again.

I stand in the hallway for a moment, trying to think of what to say to Luke. I could tell him the truth, a total lie, or a mixture of both. After a few minutes pass, I finally decide what I will do. I will tell him the whole truth, and then I will never speak to him again.