and then you left // cth

chapter 40: change

alexis
The moonlight shines down on me as I walk. The chill in the air shakes the branches of the trees that watch me with sympathy as I walk by. The trees back home are so much different than the ones here. At home, they are real, and so green and full of life you have to wonder why. The ones here are brittle and crave the sunshine that he smog steals from them.

But I can barely see the trees in the dark, only their pale outlines in the street lights. I stick to the sidewalk as I go, and pull up my hood to cover my face.

They stopped chasing me a while ago. They didn't come after me for nearly as long as I'd expected them too. Maybe this is a sign that they don't care enough. I know I don't.

I reach for my phone instinctively, and without question. But as I pat my pocket for it, I don't feel the usual hard outline of the case. Instead, I'm left feeling my waistband- no phone in sight.

And then I feel a presence. A warmth, maybe. Even if I don't want to admit it.

"Alexis," Luke speaks softly from behind me. I stop walking. Maybe this is what I wanted, after all.

Maybe I wanted to be chased.

"What, Luke?" Anger fills my voice, though really he has done nothing wrong. I am in the wrong, or Calum is. But neither of us would ever admit that. There's no way.

"Why do you do this?" he asks with a bravery in his voice that he usually lacks. Anybody who doesn't know him would think that he's shy, but I know better. He is not shy, but he doesn't let most people see that.

He lets me see it, though.

"Why do you push everybody who could possibly care about you away? You find someone who actually gives a shit about you, and then they're gone. Why?"

The moon hides behind a tree now, and we are alone.

"Why are you even here, in LA? What are you doing here?" He begs. I turn around and look at him in the darkness. I don't see Ashton anywhere, but I sense a maturity that can not possibly be coming from Luke.

I watch before my eyes as Luke pieces everything together. The broken hearts, the sobbing on the floor of his bathroom with him locked outside to pound on the door. Everything.

"Why won't you love me?" His voice cracks and his face crumbles in a way that nearly makes me feel sorry for him.

I know I treat Luke unfairly. I know that he is in love with me and that he is so much better for me than Calum ever will be, but that isn't enough. He isn't who I love, even if I wish he was. But I could never tell him this. I could never break his heart. I could never make him feel the way Calum made me feel.

I would never do that to anybody.

"You know why," I breathe, finally giving him the time of day. I stop and look at him, really look at him- for the first time. He is attractive, and he'll find someone perfect for him if he stops being so goddamn vulnerable. It's dangerous being that way.

Luke takes a step toward me, something I didn't expect him to do. It seems he is beginning to have a confidence I didn't think he had the capacity for.

"I want you to say it." He tells me, and I suck in a breath, shocked by his assertiveness.

"Luke, what the fuck? What are you doing to yourself?" I whisper, shaking my head. He only takes another step toward me.

In the distance, I hear a familiar car roaring, tires screeching. The sound gets louder as it nears us, and I know who it is, and I know that this terrible moment will be ending soon. This moment of confrontation, and unavoidable honestly.