The Lesbian Stud Hand Guide: Shay Jackson

Conflict of Interest

"I told YOU I didn't like that girl..." Alexis rebuttaled back to Jazz as he told her everything that went down the past week.

"Man why you hounding these bitches though..." Jazz responded as Alexis was going on Facebook, snooping on somebody's page... whatever she can do what she wants right.

She gotta be snooping through either Chasity or Renee's page. Oh Lawd.

I just stood there and paused in silence against the wall when Alexis splatted out, "Shit... umm..."

"Wha... oh." Jazz muted as he looked at the phone's screen.

I looked puzzled but intrigued at their pausing.

"What y'all?" I stated, as Jazz and Alexis stopped their shock.

"Man... Shay you should look at this."

I stood over behind Jazz and Alexis to see what they were talking about.

I saw on Facebook, Chasity posted: "When someone makes you feel special" Feeling: a New start

I sucked my teeth fairly lightly, as Jazz and Alexis started at my reaction, anticipating a way I know how they could cheer me up.

"I ain't worried about it."

"She lyin." I heard him whisper directed to Alexis and loud enough so I could hear.

LMAO. That Nigga think he knows me though... but for real, I'm hurting seeing that.

Alexis JUST LAUGHED AS I BRUSHED IT OFF AND WALKED AWAY.

Yeah, that had me heated. Who got her feeling like that???

I layed it off though, like I wasn't affected, but shit no lie I felt uncomfortable. As I walked down the breezeway, I felt myself getting upset, wanting to cry. I walked past the kids grouped up down the hallway, and turned right to enter the foreign language building.

"Shit..." as I felt a few tears running down my face.

I couldn't let nobody see me upset, shit they gonna think I'm soft. & I didn't wanna be around nobody. I was a cry baby growing up, until I was 7 running around the track in 2nd grade at elementary school. Our coach was a woman, but she was very masculine. She played it off as if she was a tomboy with a mix of athletic female you can appreciate. I flashed back to the time on the track I tripped going around the curve of the track and I immediately started to scream, feeling a temper tantrum about to happen.

Suddenly, when I turned my head in anticipation of the coach's response having to worry to take care of me, I immediately closed my mouth, got up in two seconds, and continued to run around the track. The coach was in astonishment. It didn't even bother me that I scabbed my knee open and had a few scratches around my arms. That's when I became independent of my own actions. Some call me a childish adult. It works.

"I gotta get my girl back."

I just stood there for the next 10 minutes imagining, what could come from our breakup... Chasity with another person. They fucking walking around school having googley eyes together, geek'd, kissing... How Chasity don't feel for me anymore.

Or is it even anyone that goes to this school? What about people in her neighborhood? Her church growing up? Man I don't even know.

This is the worst hurt I've felt in a while.

I remember when I was in Excel, and when I would go in the library to do my work from Maynard, there was this girl that was so weird. She always used to stare weirdly at me. I didn't realize it until the second time I saw her and realized she had some type of mental difference... she wasn't normal like your average people you talk to.