Deep Thoughts and Hidden Emotions

What if?

I miss you. I cant stop thinking what life would be like with you if i hadnt given into my insecurities and paranoia. No you dont understand how guilty i feel. Or maybe you do. But i just Didn't want to get hurt again. Not that you would. Can you believe its almost been a year? Since i ended things badly? Since i moved away? Yea i have kept the time and thinking about it. Do you know how many times i still want to be able to talk to you? Even if you dont want me to. Im sorry i screwed things up so bad. I cant stop putting us in scenarios we would have gone through. I actually dont know what you saw in me. Really i dont. Im an idiotic self-centered, stubborn bitch who somewhat cares. Sometimes i wanna text you or call just to 'catch up'. But im afraid of making it to where you cant move on. Or worse leading you on, considering the plausibility of us ever meeting again is not high at all. Its as low as the bottom of the sea. I want to properly say good bye. Did you know this? Your one of the only people i told, that i was leaving?