Deep Thoughts and Hidden Emotions

Confusion Hits Hard

Sometimes I'm on top of the world

But there are times when everything's a blurry mess

There are times when I'm so far down its hard to breathe

And occasionally, a time or two when everything is clear, calm even peaceful.

I never once realized or appreciated those times until everything was suddenly hectic again.

I miss those times. Not a worry about life or of what people thought about you.

My brain functions are a bit off but i don't let that stop me. I mean surely I'm here for a purpose right? Isn't everyone?

So what is it? Why am i here? Is it okay to have impossible dreams?

I've heard so many responses that it makes my future so unclear. So i try to take one step at a time. It supposedly helps. I don't even try to think or understand anymore unless its about fictional or mechanical things.

I quit trying to understand human minds a long time ago. But i think its led me to not understand anything at all. For example in my english class we are reading hamlet. I dont understand hamlet himself or the play at all. But hamlets struggles seem to make sense in a confusing whirlwind.

I use to be able to understand math but with how you have to put exact reasoning into your work makes me confused. Or using calculators instead of paper methods. Maybe i like understanding the fundamentals not just how to come out with the correct answer.

I love having choices over essay or explanations because there more of a chance of being correct than anything else.

I dont really understand 'me' at all either. Like why do i choose to try and be polite and spare others from harshness i actually feel. Or why do i insist on not asking for help? Or even- never-mind i think im ranting a bit.

I think the real thing that should be asked is why not? Can humans be more open with each-other? Why not? More corporative? Sure whats the harm?

If i had a chance to rule the world, i think I'd become one of those villains with the hurtful backstories. That wants to change the world by making it more of a corrupted idea. If you dont know what im talking about, then oh well. I'll name a few; Akeifia(yami-bakura) the theif king. Light Yagami. The Sybil system.

Theres more but i am not going there. Welp time to either say bye for now and actually do what im supposed to doing. Or try to get past my writers block and write some more to my (originally not supposed to go anywhere) fanfictions. Or maybe alternate on both XD

I love how this went from being some what normal to deep and strange in a matter of a few sentences...