Paragon // z.m

18. "I just need to know."

He had his forehead rested against the desk, his breathing finally beginning to stabilize, as he closed his eyes, attempting to clear his crowded his head, and maybe, get rid of the headache. He didn't hear the door when she came in, he didn't sense her approach as she walked towards him, he didn't feel her hand against his back, because it was almost natural for him, like he could always feel her touch on him, whether she was actually there or not. It was only when she had whispered his name, sounding like a plea, a cry for help, that he tilted his head upwards, eying her warily.

" Are you okay?" She questioned, her blue eyes tired.

" What are you doing here?" He lifted himself off his chair, wanting to keep any sort of distance between them, but she wouldn't have it. She caught his hand, slightly pulling him towards her.

" You're freezing." He noted, forgetting about who she was, and who he was, and how they could never be, as he allowed her to diminish the inches between them. She sighed, looking upon his bruised knuckles, tenderly moving her fingers against their roughness.

" You're shaking." He continued, attempting to focus her attention on what mattered; her.

" Where else does it hurt?" Her voice was so small, he noticed, faltering slightly, and he saw her teeth colliding with one another. He allowed himself to scan her attire, she wore a thin pullover, and her famous blue jeans, but there were wet smudges scattered all over it.

" Did you not take off your bikini?"

" No time. Wanted to check on you." She whispered, shaking her head weakly.

" You'll get sick, Robin." He sighed, too drained to fight against her, when he needed her most.

" Don't care." Her fingers had begun to unbutton his shirt, revealing the bruises forming on his stomach, rising to his toned chest. Chills ran through his figure, but he wasn't cold, he realized. He was warm. Too warm for the winter weather.

" You should go, Robin." He spoke, but every fiber of his being denied his request.

" Let me take care of you." She pleaded, her lips pecking the bruise on his stomach, as he flinched away, shaking his head.

" No, Robin. I'm not doing this." His back was facing her, but she walked towards him nevertheless, wrapping her arms around his waist.

" What are you so afraid of, huh? Why do you keep pushing me away?" He almost melted into her, wanting nothing more than to be held by her, kissed by her, even, loved by her.

" This is wrong, Robin. And, Harry. This- we can't do this. We can't."

" I just want to take care of you, that's all." She promised, but the lips that were now kissing his back through the fabric of his shirt, spoke otherwise.

" I'm fine. You should go. Change out those wet clothes. Get some rest. Just, go, Robin. Go." He pulled away again, walking to the other side of the desk. He couldn't help the secret plea hidden between his words though, begging her to shut him up and kiss him, to not listen to him.

" It's okay to like me you know. I think I like you too." And oh, how his heart leapt that he thought it would jump right out of his rib cage.

" Don't. Just, don't say that. You have a boyfriend. He loves you. I'm not- I can't-" He shook his head in frustration, finding nothing to say, when she stood in front of him again, taking his hand in hers, kissing each of his bruised knuckles.

" He doesn't make me feel like this. He doesn't make me feel at all." Her own eyebrows furrowed slightly at the confession escaping her lips. She didn't like how she spoke of him. She didn't like how she now felt towards him. He deserved better, she knew. But she couldn't help how she felt towards Zayn. Not anymore.

" Go, Robin. Dammit, just go." He pulled his hand away, shoving her weakly when she wouldn't budge.

" I'm not going to do this to him. This is all wrong. We don't get to do this to people, Robin. I- I'm going to need you to go now." He straightened his back, taking in a deep breath, preparing himself for what was to come.

" You're exhausting, Zayn. You're just- if you were never going to do anything about it, then why the hell did you make me feel this? I was doing okay, I was just fine before you, and then you come along, and mess with my head, and fuck with my heart, and tell me it's wrong? That's bullshit, Zayn!" She screamed, but he could sense the weakness in her voice, the slight suffocation.

" Don't cry, Robin. Please." He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see her that way, only to know that he brought it upon her, yet again.

" I'm just so tired, Zayn. I'm so tired of this back and forth shit with you. I just need to know. I need to know if you feel anything at all."

" Of course I do!" He boomed, turning to face her, his chest heaving with all that was unspeakable.

" Of course I do." He spoke again, more tenderly now, a lot more desperately. He looked down, but soon, was met by a pair of lips, he had longed for. Her lips brushed against his, urgently, yet, tenderly. And he couldn't taste Liam, or Harry, or whatever. He could only taste Robin, and my God, was she everything he had ever expected her to be and more. He rested his hand on her cheek, his other hand pulling her against him, deepening the kiss desperately. He almost lost his breath, once he remembered. He remembered that she wasn't his, and he couldn't ask her to be. So, he forcefully, pushed her away, separating them.

" Get out! Get the fuck out!" He yelled, flipping the small tea table to release a portion of what was raging within him. He couldn't see past her blue eyes, couldn't feel past the ache of separation, as he watched her walk away, whimpering quietly, before he slammed the door behind her, collapsing against it, feeling nothing at all, yet for the first time, all at the same goddamn time.

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A/N: :((( what do you think of this? do you think there's still hope for those two? let me know :)

ily x