Paragon // z.m

30. "I'm sorry."

She fell into Harry's arms, embracing him as soon as her sad eyes had fallen upon his figure. He held her, as she cried into him. He didn't know why she was crying. He didn't know why her touch was suddenly so desperate, so loving, when it hadn't been for so, so long. He didn't know why she smelled of shampoo that was only meant for men. He didn't know why her clothes were slightly wet and stuffy, when it hadn't rained all week. He didn't know anything, and he almost didn't want to. He had a feeling it would ruin him, and he didn't want her to be the one to do that to him.

She felt so filthy, so impure, and taunted, as she cried into him, for the heart that was broken by another man. She was such an awful human being, to do that to him, and to continue to do so. She had cheated on him, emotionally, long before she had ever done so, physically. And he continued to prove to her, that he deserved better. So, so much better than her, or anything she could ever offer him.

She pulled away, resting her forehead against his own, running her fingers through the hair that wasn't black, but was brown, looking down upon the lips that weren't Zayn's, but were Harry's, taking in the scent of books and sweat and his cologne that he never changed. She had to feel him through all her senses, to keep herself grounded to him, and to where they both were, without straying away to Zayn and all she wished she could have with him.

" I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whispered, brushing her lips against his own. He kissed back, although, he was bewildered by her aggressive need, that was nothing like her.

" It's okay. Nothing happened, it's alright."

He didn't know. He didn't know that so much had happened, that they couldn't possibly move past. He didn't know that right then, she was thinking of Zayn, and how she wanted to run back to him, yell and scream for him to love her back. She just wanted him to love her back. Her twisted, unfair, thoughts almost brought her to tears again, but then Harry pulled away, and smiled weakly, taking her by the hand, and guiding her to the couch, where they sat, and he played his favorite Harry Potter part, and he didn't feel the need to say anything at all, mostly, because he felt like she couldn't handle hearing anything right now. So, they watched it, each holding on to the other, although, they had never been so far away.

Sometimes, she'd look at him, focused upon the world moving around them, while she was just... stuck. She'd want to tell him how much her heart hurt, how cruel the thought of falling for someone who simply was unable to love, was. She'd want to tell him that she was sorry, if she'd ever made him feel that way. She was sorry he had to live with that. She'd want to tell him that he could leave, but she really didn't want him to, because he was, quite literally, all she had left. He could leave but her heart was already devastatingly broken and she didn't think she could handle much more. He could leave, but she'd beg him not to, even if she didn't love him the way she was always meant to.

" I love you, Harry."

Maybe she needed to reassure him, but mostly herself, that she could still love him like she hadn't loved Zayn. That she could still be present with him, and not hear Zayn's voice in her ears, or see his eyes instead of Harry's. That she could still be happy with him, even if neither of them had been happy in a very long time.

He tilted his head to the side, a prominent smile already forming on his lips, as he leaned in, tenderly planting a single kiss on her own. He gave her hand a slight squeeze, and she wondered if he still believed her. He'd have to, if he wanted to look at her, and not collapse into a heap of tears. So he did, nodding once.

" I love you too, Robin."

They kissed, but she tasted foreign and he tasted nothing like Zayn. She then had to go, because Louis had been calling her for hours, and they had to have the final rehearsal before the launch the next day. Harry followed her into the closet, choosing her outfit for her, which was something he had never done before. He just wanted to show her that he could do that for her, he could engulf himself into her world, he could share the same interests as she did. He could try for her. She just had to give him a chance.

He walked her to the door, opening it for her, as he held onto her, kissing her again and again. She laughed into his mouth, and he didn't know why he hadn't made her laugh more before. He felt a sense of pride, like he had finally done something right. Perhaps it wasn't too late yet. Perhaps she still found it in her heart to love him, because he loved her too, he just didn't know how to love her the way she wanted to be loved.

" I'll see you tonight. I'll try not to take too long." She whispered, taking his face into her hands.

" Alright, yeah." He couldn't help the hesitance lacing his tone. Because he didn't know if she'd come back to him. He didn't know when she'd finally snap, and decide that she couldn't be with him anymore. He didn't know anything.

" I will, Harry." She promised, with a firm nod. He smiled weakly, watching as she walked away, waving slightly before entering the elevator, and disappearing away from him, the way she always did.

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A/N: So we finally hit 5k reads which mean so much because this story is so dear to my heart so thank you soso much.

What do you think of this? Do you think Robin and Harry will make it? Do you think she's done with Zayn for good? Let me know!

ps: I was listening to fun by coldplay ft. tove lo while writing this and it's a very harry/robin song I think, so try to listen to that before/while reading :)

Also, CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIKE I WOULD??!??!??!?!

ily x