Paragon // z.m

28. He wanted to say it.

" I can't believe I let you talk me into this." She laughed, circling her arms around his neck, bringing him to her, as she twirled her legs around his own, colliding their chests. It was dark and cold and peaceful and they were skinny dipping in a lake that was in the middle of a hidden park that he somehow found out about years ago. She was naked and so was he. She was shivering and the water was freezing cold and they were bound to get sick when it was only two days before the launch, but they didn't seem to care.

They couldn't bring themselves to, because he was looking at her, and his eyes were sparkling, and it wasn't just because of the prominent moon. Because he had that smile that she had always wished she'd be able to cause. Because he was holding her, like he'd never let go. And she, God, she didn't even know how breathless he was, how his heart felt like it could beat out of his chest, how all he could process in his captivated mind was how much he truthfully loved her. And that was why nothing else mattered.

He leaned in, shaking his head to himself, as he rested his forehead against her own. He held her head so close to his, she could feel his breath against her skin. Her hands fell onto his chest, tracing the rhythm with which his heart beat. Her fingers drummed weakly so the repetition of the beating. It was odd, but she heard a melody of his breathing and heartbeats and whispers and the water moving around them and the crickets by the trees and just the night, really. It all sounded so beautiful, so calming, and she wondered if her ears would be able to hear anything past that. Past him, and the world he had created around them.

" You're so beautiful, Robin." He whispered, pecking her lips tenderly. She kissed him back, her fingers growing more desperate, her body needing his comfort, his reassurance. His approval, almost. She had been torn apart for so long, but in his hold, she felt good about herself. She felt all her flaws melting away in the purity of the way he gazed upon her. She felt all her impurities being pushed aside by his touch. In him and with him and through him, she felt okay.

Waves formed through their heated motions, water crashed against them, washing away all that went beyond their love. The night grew louder with her moans and his curses. The serenity was brought to life by their need for each other. They were drowning, and it wasn't simply in the lake, but in the raw, and desperate love they felt for one another. She was drowning into the taste of his lips, and the chills his hands left on her skin where they touched her. He was drowning in the feeling of her chest colliding against his time and time again, and the tug of her fingers on his hair, every time she wanted him to take it one step further. He couldn't have enough of her. He wanted every last bit.

" Okay, okay, we need to stop. Get dressed and lets get home. Fuck, we can't do this here." He kissed her one final time, she went in for another one, before they silently held one another, not doing anything, not needing to. Their chests heaved with lust, a thin layer of sweat formed on their skin despite the water around them and the cold weather, their eyes closed to savor the moment.

Slowly, his own eyes opened, his eyelashes tickling her skin, causing her to open her own eyes. The blue in them was dimmed by the night and the need with which she eyed him. While the caramel in his was playful, amused, as a smile forced its way onto his lips.

" If we keep standing here, I won't be able to stop myself." He confessed, earning a heartfelt laugh from her.

" As much fun as it would be to torture you, I happen to be suffering as well."

" Lets get out of here then?"

" Yeah, lets."

So they ran out of the lake, barely managing to dress themselves, before they were running back to where his car was parked, laughing like it was what they had always meant to do, like they couldn't help it. He could barely keep his hands to himself all through the drive, and she found her sweet pleasure in brushing against him, or giving him a slight kiss. They were just falling so deeply in love with one another, and they didn't seem to be able to stop falling. Although, it was wrong, most of the time, it felt a bit too right for them to care.

Sometimes though, he'd catch her distant eyes as they filled with remorse and regret, and he'd hate himself for it, but he'd always love her more. So he'd touch her a bit more desperately, and smile at her a bit more lovingly, and she'd return to him. And he'd be too selfish to think of the unfairness of it all. It helped, when his scent was so profuse, and his body warmth was so overwhelming, and she could hear his heartbeat echoing through her. It helped her not think of Harry, and how much better he deserved, and how she couldn't possibly be that for him. It helped her think more of Zayn and how close and attainable he was and how he just wanted her. Only her. So much so, that nothing else mattered anymore.

He pushed her against the door, throwing her onto the stairs, with a huffed "oof", but she continued to kiss him, losing her breath into his mouth, losing her own self, into his overwhelming presence. He kissed every single perk he loved about her. He kissed every single flaw he knew she hated about herself. He kissed what he should have hated, but could only really love. He kissed what he loved, and wished she could love too. He just kissed her, and God, did it go beyond all he thought he deserved.

Slowly, they removed wet items of clothing, throwing them into a pile, rarely ever disconnecting their kisses or touches. She could feel the stairs bruising her back, and he could feel it too, as he pulled her by the legs, until she laid onto the carpet beneath the stairs, his body weight immediately falling into place on top of her.

He wanted to say it. God, did he want to say it. Every single time she called his name, he wanted to say it. Every time she brought him impossibly close, guiding his lips to kiss her, he wanted to say it. Every time his eyes would open and he'd see her beneath him, he wanted to say it. He wanted to say it for so long now, that it was almost impossible to swallow it away. He couldn't say it though. It was too soon and they were both too lost inside their own heads to handle it. So he just kissed her, and prayed that the words wouldn't suffocate him any more than her stubborn hold on him would.

" That was fucking brilliant." He whispered, pecking her forehead, before he fell on the floor beside her, intertwining their fingers, as they both settled down. She giggled, bringing her free arm over her eyes, to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks. He brought her fingers to his lips, kissing them weakly, before sitting up.

" I'll go get changed, you can go into the guest room, Louis keeps extra pieces of clothes in the closet there, find something to wear, and maybe turn on the heater. Wouldn't want you getting sick." He said, rising to his full height. She removed her arm to look at him, nodding with a shy smile, as he excused himself, rushing up the stairs on which she laid only minutes before. She went into the guest room, and found the strangest clothes items she'd ever seen. Eventually, she found something comfortable to change into, which happened to be a Stitch onesie, from one of their photoshoots she assumed.

She returned to the living room, searching for the heater, but she found his playstation attached to his TV instead. He was nowhere in sight, so she thought she'd waste some time until he came back. Harry being the nerdy person he was, he had taught her how to play some video games, so she gave it a try. Until she heard laughter coming from behind her, interrupting her concentration.

" Jesus, Zayn, I was winning!" She exclaimed, causing him to bend over, unable to contain his laughter, as his eyes closed in pure joy. She rolled her eyes, but a smile made its way onto her lips nevertheless. She dropped the controller, and approached him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and holding herself to him.

" How am I supposed to take you seriously when you're wearing this? And I was thinking about a second round." He continued to chuckle, pecking her lips in amusement. She stood onto his feet, bringing her mouth to his ears, and biting down slightly, knowing that it always drove him mad.

" Well, this is quite easy to get me out of."

And soon, they were once again a tangled mess of limbs and hair and laughter and love, laying on the ground, lost into each other. And that was enough. More than enough.

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AN: Hey you! So rayn finally had their date, what did you think? did you think my attempt of smut was too much? Let me know please, I love hearing your thoughts :)

ily x