Paragon // z.m

34. "I need you to be okay."

She had tiredly fallen asleep, dress adorning her figure, touching on every single curve that he was glad had appeared, highlighting every little feature that he fell in love with. She had a thin blanket to cover her shoulders. She looked incredibly peaceful, and he wished he could just hold her. He wished he could allow her warmth to invade his insides, and soothe his cold soul, his hardened heart. He wished he could take in her scent, to overwhelm the bitter smell of illness and approached death. He wished he could feel her, against him, and everything would feel right again.

" She's quite lovely, Zayn." He heard his mother's drained, cracked, voice speaking to him, averting his gaze away from Robin. He leaned in, taking his mother's hand into his own, caressing it tenderly, wishing it would somehow dust the pain away, but it couldn't possibly. Nothing ever could.

" She is, yeah."

" I don't think I've seen you like that in a long time. I- I haven't seen you at all, have I?" He sighed, eyes falling shut, to keep away the overwhelming sadness behind. He couldn't let her see, how utterly broken he felt inside, because then, she'd try to mend him, and he didn't deserve that, not from someone who he loved so dearly, and hurt so deeply.

" I don't know what to say, ma. I don't know how to make this better."

" You don't have to, boy. You've weighed yourself down with this long enough. You're not meant to make this better, simply, because you can't. I've come to terms with it a long time ago. You still can't. But baby, I know you tried, so incredibly hard, to get me better. I know you'd do anything for me. I know that. So why is that not enough for you? Why do you wear yourself so thin?" His head shook, along with the rest of his body, as he brought his head down, to rest against the hands that held his mother's.

" I love you. So much. And I can't stomach the thought of losing you. Makes me sick, ma. Swear it makes me sick."

" I- I haven't heard this from you in so long, Zayn. Too long, sunshine." She began to cry, as he desperately clung to the last bit of composure he could possibly muster. He kissed the hand that he held, over and over again, before rising to pull her into him, and kiss the top of her head.

" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, mum." She held onto him, taking one deep breath, simply to absorb his scent, although, her chest ached, and her lungs almost couldn't take it. She had missed him so terribly. She had needed him so desperately. And now, he was finally holding her, admitting her presence, although, it probably wouldn't last.

" I'm sorry too, baby. Wish you didn't have to go through this." She whispered, her voice strangled with the illness taking all her strength away, with the ache, so profoundly established in almost every cell of her body. He pulled away, shaking his head, willing a reassuring smile to form upon his lips. He then sat himself down, never once letting her hands ago.

" Tell me a bit more about Robin, do you love her? Does she make you happy?"

He spent the coming hour or so, talking about her. Just her. How they'd met. How he'd fought against her, with everything in him. How she had found her way back to him, despite the mistreatments, and fights, and cruel words he never meant to say. His mother could see it in his eyes; he spoke of her with such love, such gratitude. His voice did that thing, every time he said her name. She knew he indeed was in love with her. That gave her a sense of reassurance, that he wouldn't be all alone. That he'd allow her to take care of him, to be there, once his mother wouldn't be able to be.

She'd slip in and out of consciousness, and every time she'd close her eyes, his heart would race, until they opened again. He watched the heart monitor closely. He almost memorized every rise and fall of its steady line. Until finally, her eyes closed for a bit too long, and he immediately stood, putting his head to her chest, feeling for the heartbeat. It was weak, and slow, but it was there. He felt like crying again, but he refrained, pulling away, to plant a final kiss to her forehead.

He began to feel the stiffness of his muscles, as he walked away from the chair by his mother's bed, and towards the window next to the couch, on which Robin peacefully slept. The sun was beginning to rise, the sky an exquisite shade of purple and red and orange and only a slight bit of blue. He wished he could draw it, and possibly do it justice.

His eyes fell away from the beautiful scenery, and onto her sleeping figure. God, did he love her. He leaned down, brushing the hair away from her face, and resting his hand against her face, simply to feel her.

" Zayn," She croaked, leaning into his hand, knowing that it had to be him, for her skin to feel so tingly, and her heart to race, ever so slightly.

" Hey there, love." He smiled.

" What are you doing up? Did you even get any sleep at all?"

" Not really. Mum woke up, and we just chatted for a bit."

" I thought I heard something. Did it go well? Is she doing alright?"

" It was... painful. But crucial. I owed her at least that."

" Come here." She pulled him down to sit beside her, with her head on his chest, her figure almost completely molding into his own.

" I'm proud of you." She breathed, kissing his cheek. It was the little things that took his breath away slightly; how effortlessly she kissed him now, without seeing that excruciating blame in her eyes, how easily she spoke to him, like she no longer could hide away within herself, perhaps, she didn't want to. He didn't either. He just wanted to pour the contents of his broken heart out to her.

" Are you.. okay? I haven't asked you since you came back from that phone call."

" One wound at a time, yeah? We'll get to that when we can." She looked up at him, bright blue eyes sad, but hopeful. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He loved her more than he'd ever be able to bear.

" I need you to be okay, though. I- I can't have you suffering on your own, Robin."

" I'm not suffering. I'm alright. You're here, aren't you? That's enough for me. More than just enough." She brushed her lips against his, and he kissed back. He could finally, finally, allow himself to relish in her sweet bliss. And he wondered how he'd ever thought he could survive without her.

" I love you."

" God, I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing that."

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A/N: I want to finish this story because I have another zayn story that I've been working on and I can't wait to share with you, but paragon is too dear to my heart I don't want to watch it end :(

Anyways, let me know what you think please!

ily x