Paragon // z.m

24. "I'm still pissed at you."

He held her with such care, such delicacy, and she wondered if he could tell how it broke her a little inside. He smiled at her like she was his whole world, he spoke to her, like it was only them both, in a world that didn't concern him, as long as she was there, he looked at her through the greenness of his tender eyes, like he had nothing else to see but her. He did every single thing right, and it took everything within her to not burst into tears and apologize for still loving Zayn more.

Harry was absolutely incredible, and all through their lunch, he reminded her of what she had fallen for, all those years ago. Which was exactly, what she had recently fallen out of love with. It wasn't that he wasn't a good person, or that he didn't love her enough, it was the exact opposite. He was too good for someone as slightly destructive as her own self. He loved her too much, that he'd waste himself away for her, and although, sometimes she needed that, most of the times, she just needed someone who wouldn't shy away from all her scattered pieces, who wouldn't mind the thought of being unable to wholly fix her. And that wasn't Harry. Harry lived with that burden on his shoulders that he needed everyone around him happy and well. And the thought of her not being that, was intolerable to him, so he simply denied it.

He was laughing at a horrid joke he had just told, and she found herself laughing along, and at that moment, she wished she could have loved Harry the way he deserved to be loved. She wished they could have remained in that bubble, with nothing to ever disturb them or pull them apart. And the mere possibility, of her having to lose Harry, to live without him being part of her life, one way or another, almost brought her to tears again.

He walked her back to the company, after she told him that she couldn't go home yet, and she probably wouldn't be home at all tonight. He furrowed his eyebrows, as if sensing the wrongness in the situation, in the sadness behind her eyes, in the flinching of her body, but willingly chose to ignore it, giving her a single nod, a gentle kiss, before walking away. She watched him, broad shoulders that she used to hold on to through the night, curved backwards so artistically that she used to jump on, whenever she was too tired to walk on her own, lengthy hair that she loved running her fingers through. That man, carried too many memories of her, all she had, all she was, all she was slowly losing. And she loved him still, she did, she just... she couldn't help but love Zayn as well, if not unfairly more.

With a lingering sigh, she walked into the company, straight towards Louis' office, because Zayn was mad at her, or she was mad at him, she couldn't really remember anymore, she just knew she couldn't go to him about this, so Louis was her best alternative. The tears were beginning to become harder to swallow, the tremble in her hand intensifying under the weight of her constrained nerves, the ache in her heart persistent, stubborn, as was she. She opened the door to Louis' office, the first tear immediately sliding against her cheek.

" Louis, I-" She spoke, but then her eyes fell upon Zayn, who was standing there, his back towards Louis, his arms spread by his side.

" I was just taking his measurements for his suit for the big night, are you okay?" Louis stood to his feet, the meter rested on his neck, as he approached her. She could feel Zayn's discrete eyes on her, as she began to shake her head, wiping at her cheeks.

" Yeah, I'm fine. I was just going to talk to you about the-" Her mind had gone blank, all thoughts revolving either around Harry or Zayn or the two of them, as a sob rocked through her.

" You know, the-" Another sob, and then, she had completely given up on managing a coherent sentence. Louis stared at her, wide eyed, not knowing what to do, or even if there was anything for him to do.

" Louis, lock the door." Zayn's demanding voice filled the air, as he slowly approached her, his features not softening at all, his demeanor firm, nonchalant. But then, his arms wrapped around her, colliding her into his chest rather aggressively, and keeping her there. She didn't want to break under his touch, she didn't want to cry into him, but his touch softened, and he rested his chin on top of her head, and she just lost it. He released a long sigh, his hands involuntarily holding her closer to him.

" I'm still pissed at you." He whispered.

" And I'm pissed at you." She groggily spoke, sniffling slightly. He tilted his head downwards, feeling his movement, she rested her chin on his toned chest, meeting his kind gaze. She looked at him and wondered how she ever loved someone else. And he looked at her and wondered how someone so beautiful, could be so sad. And the more they stared into each other's eyes, the more they understood. His lips curved into the smallest of all smiles, before he brought them to her own. She kissed back, pouring whatever that was left within her, into that, hoping and praying that he'd understand. Louis cleared his throat, but they were too sunk into one another to care.

" I'm right here, you know. And this is my office, and I'd really like to keep it clean, so if you can take your dirty business somewhere else." Louis pointed a hand towards the close by door, attempting to stir any reaction from them, but their kisses grew deeper, moans escaping Robin's lips, groans escaping Zayn's. Zayn then laid a hand to Robin's bum, lifting her off the ground, for her legs to twirl around his waist, causing his body to slightly fall back upon Louis' desk.

" Okay, fuck, this is too much for my virgin, gay eyes." Louis covered his eyes, rushing out of the office, and closing the door behind him, hissing something about losing his own office to the hormonal couple and how he'd need to drown it in acid or set it on fire. Robin laughed into Zayn's mouth, it tickled a bit, causing him to laugh along, and as per usual, all the world's troubles dissolved into their mere existence with one another.

" We still need to talk about this." She whispered.

" Shh, not now." He weakly responded, brushing his lips against hers, in a kiss that was tender, slow, and gentle, contrasting with their previous needy, desperate, kisses.

" But," She almost objected, but he kissed her again, shaking his head, and she knew she had lost the fight. He kissed her, almost as if he was trying to forget something, to distract himself from his own mind, and she swore she'd ask him about it. Just not now. Now, she'd help him forget.

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A/N: I just finished writing this story. We officially have 20 chapters to go, along with an epilogue, and I can NOT wait for you to see what I have planned :)

So, let me know what you think, it means the world to me.

ily x