Paragon // z.m

39. "Thank you for coming."

He was standing in front of the mirror, struggling with his black tie, staring down upon it as if it was a foreign object, something that he'd never seen before, that he didn't know what was meant of it, although, he had always worn full suits. Everything had that sense of novelty to it. Like life without his mother, wasn't nearly as comforting, nor as familiar. Like he didn't know how to go through it.

He felt like an infant, brought into a world that was so cruel, so dark and frightening. He had no guidance, he had no one to take his hand and show him the way, to tell him that it was going to be okay, one day, that he'd make it, even if inside, his pieces were shredded beyond recognition. He felt like a child, and he just needed his mother. He just wanted her back.

" Zayn, do you need help with that?" She laid a hand to his shoulder, but he flinched away, chest immediately heaving, like he hadn't been able to take any breaths in. He looked at her, his eyes couldn't recognize her, his heart couldn't feel for her, although, her pain was imprinted on every single one of her features.

" Right. Sorry." She pulled away, her shoulders curved with a weight he could almost see, a dimmed aura surrounding her. And he wanted to ask, what was wrong, what could ever make someone so beautiful, so incredibly sad. He wanted to ask why he couldn't feel for her, although, something about her felt familiar, kind, almost. He wanted to ask why he couldn't feel anything at all. He wanted to ask why his mother wasn't around, even though she'd always promised she always would be. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he didn't have the energy to. And he didn't have the stamina to endure the answers.

He turned back towards the mirror, and she watched him, as he continued to eye the tie as if it would somehow hurt him. She watched as Niall approached him, triggering the same fearful reaction, before finally, Zayn allowed him to help, his own eyes taking in the world that seemed to be closing in on him.

" Hey, are you ready?" She heard Louis' voice, before she felt his presence. She nodded, unable to look away from Zayn.

" He's going to be okay, Robin. He just needs a bit more time to adapt. It can't be easy."

" She told me this will happen. She- God. I can't do this right now. I need a smoke before I collapse into a puddle of tears and just not exist anymore." She brushed past him, walking through the crowded house, until she made it to the backyard. Photographers and journalists were outside the gate, taking pictures of everything that dared move, screaming questions that no one had it in them to answer. She wished he didn't have to endure that. She wished they would just let them be, because he was barely able to do even that.

She exhaled the smoke, eying the cloud surrounding her, to see if any of the grief or rage or agony had managed to find a release along with it. It all remained inside her, feeding on every last drop of strength, molding into something dark, something overpowering, that she could feel it all destroying her, from the inside out.

" I knew I'd find you out here."

That voice. God, she'd missed it. She'd known it for so long, it felt like the only constant in her life. She'd loved that voice once. She'd probably never stop. She tilted her head to the side, and there he was. Harry. He wore a fully black suit, his hair seeming to have grown during the little time he'd had away from her. She was suddenly overwhelmed by all that had been roaming within her, as a choked sob ripped through her. She threw herself into his arms, and he caught her, immediately holding her tighter than he ever had before. She buried her face into his shoulder, wanting to just disappear, wanting him to shelter her from the world, the way he'd done for her, all those years ago.

" I was wit- with her, Harry. It was a-awful. Oh God. It was terrible."

" Shh. Shh. It's okay. It's all going to be okay."

" Thank you for coming. I don't know what I would have done without you."

" Don't worry about that now. I'm here. It's okay."

He held her, and she held onto him, until Niall came to them, announcing that it was time for them to go to the burial. He put her down, as she wiped her eyes, taking a single deep breath, to recompose herself. If he hadn't known her, he would have thought he'd imagined her entire breakdown. But he did know her. And she always felt the need to be strong, although her soul, had always been so incredibly fragile.

She walked back into the house, Harry and Niall following closely behind. Liam, Louis, and Zayn, were standing by the door, taking in the growing crowd of paparazzi circling around the house.

" I can go through the main gate, don't get Zayn out until I'm almost by the car, so that they'd follow me, instead of him. Maybe Liam and Harry can come with, you know, to distract them." Her eyes fell onto Zayn, watching for any reaction, but he had nothing. He had almost become... nothing. She sighed, nodding almost to encourage herself, before she threw herself to the pack of wolves. They pushed and pulled and yelled and screamed. They pushed every single one of her buttons, but she was just too exhausted to respond. She didn't have it in her to stand up for herself, maybe because she was waiting for Zayn to somehow rise, and do that for her. But he wouldn't be able to, even if he wanted. He was too far gone.

" Do you think Zayn is a hypocrite for not following his religion's and culture's rituals when it comes to his mother's death? Do you think he's trying too hard to adapt to our culture and traditions?"

" Excuse me?"

" Robin, lets just keep going."

" No, hold on. How is that what's on your mind during this time? Is this honestly what you care for? Zayn Malik has proven, time and time again, that he belongs here as much as anyone else. And Religion? That's between him and his God. Who are we to talk? I'd suggest you find a better job for yourself, or just piss off, because honestly, this is the last thing any of us need right now. Thank you."

She got into the car, even more roars being directed towards her, but she didn't pay them any mind, because Zayn was rushing into his own car, and he looked in her direction, and God, she couldn't help that slither of hope forming inside her. Maybe he'd come back to her. Maybe he'd still love her, after all of that had died down. Maybe he'd find it, somewhere in his heart, to just forgive her, because she'd only done it for him.

" You okay?" Liam questioned, turning from his front seat to check in on her.

" Yeah. Fine." She fell back into her chair, eyes fixated upon Zayn's car, that was as far away as he had been. She couldn't help but think that the chase had been going on for so long, too long, and she was so incredibly tired. She wished she could lay down, let him hold her, and tell him all about how impossible it had been without him. She wished she could just tell him that she loved him, so, so much, and she needed him, probably as much as he did her. She just wanted her Zayn back.

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A/N: Hey guys, it's been quite a while but I hope this was worth your wait :)

HARRY IS BACK BABY

Who's excited about all the harin moments? Let me know what you think please, it always helps me get better and stay motivated

The next few chapters are honestly some of my favorites because I feel them so deeply so I can't wait to share them with y'all :)

ily x