Paragon // z.m

32. "She's not okay."

The city was loud, with dreams, and thoughts, and fears. People crowded the streets beneath them, passing by the hospital, unfazed by all the lives lost within it, all the hearts broken, all the bodies dissolving away. They didn't know about the little boy, wasting his childhood away in a hospital bed that he couldn't possibly leave. They didn't know about the woman saying goodbye to her husband who was leaving her for the night, not knowing if she'd still be there by the morning. They didn't know about his mother, who he couldn't possibly handle the thought of her yet, because he knew she'd have to go away soon, and he couldn't say goodbye. They didn't know, and they didn't care. And he wondered, how many times had he walked down the same streets, worrying about the same nonsense, taking the same hurried steps, in the same ignorant bliss as all those unknowing people.

He could feel her eyes on him, concerned, cautious, like he'd break if she looked too deeply within him. Perhaps, he would. Perhaps, he had already broken away. He didn't know. It was still too loud in his mind, the ache was still too prominent, for him to understand what it all meant. She continued to look at him, the moonlight shining upon only half his face, highlighting the sadness imprinted on his features, as they both sat on the hospital's ceiling, with their shoulders nearly brushing, but not quite, and their legs swinging with the blowing wind. He couldn't meet her eyes. He couldn't handle it. He simply watched the busy streets, wishing he could fade away amongst the crowd, maybe then he'd be able to hear past the doctor's apologies for his helplessness, maybe then he'd be able to feel something other than the void in his chest, where his heart had once been, maybe then it'd hurt a little less, and he'd be a little stronger. Maybe.

" Zayn," She whispered, bringing her hand to rest upon his own. The weight of his head fell, shaking slightly, as his eyes shut. Somehow, her voice managed to break through all the chaos inside his head, and he couldn't handle that either.

" I can't, Robin. If I- if I open my mouth, if I think about it, if I.... feel it, I'll just shatter. I swear I can't do it. I just can't." His head continued to shake, as she sighed, allowing her head to fall onto his shoulder, intertwining their fingers, brushing their legs. She needed him to feel her presence. She needed him to know that she was there, and she would take every single piece of his, and try to put him together. She needed him to know that he could shatter, because he'd been trying for too long, to keep himself in one piece, and he didn't have to anymore. Because she was there. She would always be there.

" It's okay." She simply said.

" It's not. I- I'm not. And she... she is not okay, Robin. I don't- I got a call while you were getting dressed for the launch. They said it was a stroke. They said they caught it right before it stopped her heart. They said she was stable now, but her blood is so thick, it keeps clotting. Sh- she's been here for so long, Robin; months, if not years, and I haven't come to visit her, not once. I didn't even answer her calls. I drowned myself into this company, and I willed myself to pretend she didn't exist. I didn't want to have to face the fact that she's ill, and there's nothing I can do about it. All this money, all this power, it's all pointless, because she's still in pain, and she- she's still dying, and I still don't know how to handle it. My mother.. she's all I've got, Robin. And she doesn't even- she doesn't know, because I never told her. I- I never said-"

He fell apart. His chest heaved, suffocating sobs forcing their way through him, his entire figure trembling in a failed attempt to contain any of it. He fell against her, the weight of him too heavy to carry. She held him to her, burying his face into the crook of her neck, resting her own head on top of his own. She held him so dearly, in fear of the wind taking any of his pieces away. He clung to her desperately, because it hurt, so much, he thought he'd combust if he didn't have her to embrace him.

" Shh, shh, it's okay. I love you, Zayn. I love you. Everything is going to be okay."

He choked on yet another sob, before he pulled himself away from her. He barely managed to breathe in, pounding his hands against his heart as if to ease the agony tearing it apart. He slowly brought his eyes to meet her own. They were drowned in tears, so lifeless, so desperate, but they were his, and she'd always lose herself into them.

" I love you too." He breathed out, before he was yet again, wrapped into her embrace, with his face buried into her, and hers buried into him. With her arms holding his head to her, and his arms around her waist. With their legs tangled, so much so, that you wouldn't be able to tell their bodies apart. They stayed like that, with the world moving past them, with the people rushing to their homes, and the lights littering the ground, and lives, as busy as ever.

They remained in each others' arms until he had stopped crying, and beyond that. They held onto one another, until she could hear his heart beating through her own chest, and he had synchronized his breathing to her own. They loved each other and they held onto each other until that was enough.

_____________________________________________________________

A/N: So now we know  what all those phone calls were about and how this had all happened. Hope it helped you understand Zayn a bit more :)

Let me know what you think please!

ily x