Paragon // z.m

31. "Dying."

She was running through the empty, dull, hallways. It was all so colorless, so empty, and lifeless, yet, so incredibly painful. Her breathing was so loud, as it thumped through her ears. Her heart beat so painfully against her ribcage, she could almost feel her bones breaking. Her legs could barely carry the weight of it all; her body, the dress, her broken heart, and tormented soul. All her organs combined, couldn't possibly contain all that pain, all that misery, but she couldn't stop, because he needed her. And she had to find him. She had to find him and hold him and maybe then she'd be okay, and he would be too.

" He left, Robin."

" It's his mum."

" He hasn't told anybody."

She couldn't breathe. Her dress was so white, so beautiful. The applause was so loud, it almost deafened her. The flashes were so intense, they almost blinded her. But she couldn't see him. And she couldn't find him. And she didn't know why she was still looking.

" I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help."

" Go, Robin. He needs you."

Her lungs burned, with air that she was unable to take in, with worry, for the man she loved so intensely, with need, for his proximity, for him. She ran through yet another floor, but then, there he was. Sitting on a chair, with his head in his hand, rocking back and forth in unbearable distress. He looked nothing like the man she had fallen in love with. He had no sparkle to him, no intimidating glory, no firmness, absolutely no strength. He was a broken man, sitting in pieces, and she'd hurt herself on his edges, and bleed for him, if it meant it would somehow mend him.

She didn't know if her own movement had ceased or the world's. She didn't know if gravity was pulling her tired figure towards him, or towards the ground, where it'd lay itself down, and simply collapse. She didn't know if the world had faded away, or if her eyes had blurred with the tears suffocating her. She didn't know anything, but soon, his name went past her lips, as effortlessly as it always did, like her mouth was meant to say just that.

Slowly, his head moved away from his hands, and his tearful, almost unrecognizable eyes met her own, and she could have fallen to pieces right then and there, if a sob so fierce hadn't made its way through him, before he fell apart into her arms. A gasp went past her lips. Too many pieces of him had shattered. His heart had been broken too severely. He couldn't take much of it. He couldn't possibly handle any further damage brought upon him.

" Dying. Mum. Dying." He was unable to utter statements, it was all so exhausting, so draining. He could barely breathe at all. And she was finally there, holding him, and it felt like it was the only thing keeping him from wasting away.

" I know. I'm so sorry, Zayn." She breathed, plea saturating her weak voice. A plea for him to not break her heart any further. A plea for him to not crack, because she was desperate for him to be okay and well. The world could crash and burn, and she wouldn't care, as long as he was alright. But right now, he wasn't. Not even close.

" Can't. Not much time. I can't."

She wished she hadn't heard the raw agony in his voice, the loss, the desperation, because one could never forget something like that; watching the one they loved most, crack under the undeniable weight of the world, knowing that no matter how much time would pass, how many pieces they would manage to glue back together, they'd still never be the same. And neither would she. She had always known that though; ever since she laid eyes on those cruel, bright, caramel eyes. She knew. She knew that she'd never be the same. And she was eternally grateful. For him, and all that he had done for her, that he probably knew nothing about, nor intended to do.

" Shh, it's okay. We'll fix this. It's going to be okay."

" Launch. Show. Oh God. Dying."

" The launch went great. Everyone loved it, Zayn. You did so good. And the dress- I wore it for you. We finished it for you. Everything is okay."

She felt his arms, holding her so tightly, that her pieces, and his, almost molded into one fractured being. His breathing was suffocated, as it touched against her skin, every time he managed to exhale, between each of his agonizing sobs. His figure trembled with all that was roaming within him, and she wished she could take it away.

" Sorry. So sorry, Robin. Love you. Love you so much it hurts. Can't take it."

It was the first time he had allowed those words to go past his heart, to be confessed to the world but more importantly, to her. And it had to be now; when he was breaking, shattering, with the realization that he was losing his mum, watching her literally dissolving away. He had never felt more dead inside, yet, somehow, she breathed little life into him. He couldn't find his voice, or his words, or anything, really, so he just held her to him, wishing and praying that she wouldn't leave him as well. He didn't think he could bare that.

She put a hand over her eyes, burying her face into his shoulder, as she finally, allowed her own tears to fall down her face. She cried and cried and thought she'd never be able to stop. He cried too, because it hurt, so much. Everything hurt and he loved her so much and he didn't think he'd ever be able to hold her again. But she was finally there, in his arms, and he was still in so much pain, he waited for it to finally end him.

" I love you too, Zayn."

She slowly laid both their weights down onto the chairs on which he previously sat, as he fell into a sleeping position, with his head on her lap, and his face shielded into her thigh. He almost wished he could only co-exist in her world, but not everyone else's. Maybe then he'd be able to love her, without having it break his heart. Maybe then he wouldn't be losing his mother; who was all the family he had left. Maybe then he wouldn't be so twisted and deformed and incapable of feeling. Maybe then he'd simply be in love, and he wouldn't need to be anything past that.

She ran her fingers through his hair, whispering quiet condolences, as his cries slowly faded into occasional sniffles, and his trembling became only far apart twitches, and he slowly fell asleep. He looked so peaceful, yet so sad, and so incredibly beautiful. He still managed to take her breath away, both blissfully, and painfully.

She leaned down, brushing his hair away from his forehead, planting a kind kiss to his paled skin. She rested her chest onto him, fully enveloping him into her embrace, attempting to keep the world away. Slowly, she fell asleep too, deeply and fully and utterly sinking into him. She just hoped he wouldn't be scared of drowning.

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A/N: Hey guys, so in celebration of the release of Mind Of Mine, I decided to give you the biggest plot twist in this story yet!

I know some of you might not understand all that's happening here, but feel free to ask me anything, and I'll answer it without ruining the upcoming chapters :)

It'll make more sense after the next chapter though, I promise.

While editing this, Blue was playing and it just fit, so give it a listen, it's in the media section.

Share your thoughts about this and about Mind Of Mine, like, what's your favorite song so far? :)

Till next time, ily x