Through the storm | Sequel to "Take me to church" Jonathan Toews and Danielle Campbell

Thank you pt.1}chapter 16

Jonathan's pov:

If I've ever put you through hell. Only called when I needed help,
If I've only thought of myself. Couldn't find the words to say what I felt,
If I've ever lied to your face. Shut you out to keep you away,
You'd always give and I'd always take. Yes, it took some time for me to say.

I wrote this over and over again on a piece of paper. Rewriting to make it perfect. Rewriting it to never forget. Never forgetting how I treated her. How god awful I treated her.

It wasn't always her fault, it was mine as well.

As I looked over to the counter, I saw the papers I needed to sign.

The divorce papers.

I stood up and took my pen and signed where I needed to sign them.

I slipped them in the envelope and grabbed my coat and keys and was out. Walking out into the parking garage,seeing the rain pour down made me think of Stephanie. She loved rainy days. I only knew that.

Now I won't be.

Driving off and checking where I was going. I saw a blonde girl on the ground picking up papers outside the entrance to the parking garage. I got out and suspected it to be Lindsey but it wasn't.

"You alright,miss?" I asked bending down and help retrieve her papers.

"Yes. I'm fine" she said looking up.

"I don't know how I'm gonna explain this to the kids" she said. I took a look at the Pastel and watercolor paintings.

They were beautiful.

"Thanks" she said as she hurried into the building.

I ran into my car and started the car up once again.

I tapped the steering wheel.

I wish I could take it all back. But she's the one who cheated right? I stayed faithful.

Remembering all the times, I got hurt and she was there. When she got hurt I was never.

I'm sorry I only thought of myself. Sorry I never thought of you.

I was always bad at romance, never knew how to express it. Never knew how to show it.

I've lied so many times. How I got a thumb splint. A black eye.

I never asked how you were doing. Always thought about myself. 

You gave me love, but when I gave it. It gave her reason to cheat.

I finally realized it.

I was an awful husband.

But she was an awful wife, right?

The thing was that we had so many beautiful moments. Our honeymoon. Our weekend trips to Winnipeg. Our Paris trip. 

Thank you Stephanie, for helping me realize how awful I was.

~~~~~~

I sat alone at a little coffee shop. Writing it over and over again.

If I've ever put you through hell
Only called when I needed help
If I've only thought of myself
Couldn't find the words to say what I felt
If I've ever lied to your face
Shut you out to keep you away
You'd always give and I'd always take
Yes, it took some time for me to say

Always, meaning it. Always hating myself after it.

The barista poured more coffee and I thanked her.