It's Just Ann

Chapter 35 - I'm Sorry

Chapter Glossary

Gomennasai: I'm sorry
Moushiwake gozaimasen: "I'm sorry" in a very polite manner, said especially when one's really messed up.

⋙ ⋘ 

            When your heart is breaking, when you're avoiding overthinking because it makes the pain even worse, when one specific memory is all you can think of when you close your eyes, your only saviour is work.

Every time I think of Gareth and what happened between us, I come up with worse explanations, each one ore painful and humiliating, so what I do instead is working harder than ever. I'm basically everywhere, every little aspect of every little production, I'm there. If I could compose or come up with lyrics, I would be even helping with the soundtrack. I barely go home, and when I do it's not for more than five hours. I'm doing that just not to think of Gareth, and it's working.

Cece eventually found out what happened, not because someone else saw us, which I'm so thankful for. At least one good thing happened that night. He found out because I told him after he didn't give me another option. He knew something was going on with me, something that pushed me to overwork myself to the point of getting a fever, but not eve that stopped me from working. Cece had to basically kidnap me to take me from the office.

"Oh, lucky him the shooting ended. I would've stabbed him with a hot iron if I saw him!" Cece screamed when I told him Gareth hadn't even texted me after what happened. "And when I thought of something worse, I'd also do that to him!"

"Well, he's not the only glad that it happened after the shooting," I mumbled. "I'm relieved I don't have to see him for now."

"But Ann, I mean, he's an arse and everything you want to say, but why haven't you called him or anything?" My reaction was a sarcastic smile when Cece asked that.

"Because I did my part already. I confessed somehow. He knows my feelings, I'm just waiting for his reply now. And what can I do? Push him and force him to give me a clear no? Or threaten him to accept my feelings when he doesn't want a relationship?"

"I don't mean that, you know it. But he kissed you back, then that means..."

"It might mean he got caught in the mood. He was tipsy, it isn't a weird thing. That doesn't change that he doesn't want to pursue anything between us." Cece only looked at me with pitiful eyes, which is why I don't like talking about this.

I haven't mentioned it to Charlie and Ella, although they ask me what's wrong and why I haven't contacted them or replied to them. I barely say I'm just busy with work, post-production is a pain in the neck.

But even if I'm overworking myself to avoid to think about a rejection, it's a good thing. I'm being productive and I see the film coming slowly to life.

The soundtrack is ready, and it's amazing. Ariel did such a wonderful work with the original theme for the film and she helped picking every song, creating a harmony with sense of unity. Every song flows with the other. It gives a feeling of water running down the river, which I believe is so fitting for this production.

Then it comes the music video, which is also promotion for the artist, and for the film. I'm also taking part of that, making suggestions and looking over everything I can. With the video, some shots from the film are released, that we also use for the teaser and trailer, as the first sneak peeks into the film.

Slowly, the promotion stage begins, with bits and pieces, just to get the fans excited. I keep looking for partnership programs with other companies and brands to help promote the film. I keep having meetings with investor, showing them the product we've created so far, and most seem pleased.