The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

18 | Easy

"They poke around until they, get what they want" - Easy

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Waiting for Cole made me feel like a suicide bomber waiting for their bomb to go off. It's a bomb, so you're afraid and scared, and dying is just something you haven't tried yet but you know that you're ready for it.

I am extremely ready for Cole to come and get me, but it's worrying not knowing if he is going to be the good cop or bad cop. But anything would be better than having to be here with Kris for any longer. She hasn't moved an inch away yet and I was starting to get annoyed with the way she thinks that she can just touch me for as long as she has. I agreed to hugs, not cuddling.

"You should stop worrying Adri. He's already said that he's not mad at you." I'm not worried, I never said anything about being worried. I'm just shaking because you won't let go of me.

I'm personally shaking from happiness. I will never be able to understand why you like her so much. She's beautiful, funny, and so many other things. Maybe you're right, but she's also crazy. So are you, and I still stick around. An hour ago you completely disappeared and did not mention coming back. I don't want to talk about that. Why not? Goodbye.

"Why don't I just walk down the street until I see him?" I have reached my breaking point and am now demanding immediate release.

Kris looked down at me with an amused smirk and shook her head at me. It was worth a shot.

Kris shifted so that she was laying on her side like I was, and her arm was draped across my waist. I have already asked for her to stop touching me, but she isn't having it. Maybe if I glare at her arm long enough then it will go away. Maybe even fall off.

"Why are you always running?" Kris asked gently.

I snorted in response and rolled my eyes. I don't "run". That takes exercise and effort. Two things that I'm not a fan of, especially the second one.

My response didn't falter Kris. If anything it made her even more expression even more solemn. I hate whenever she gets like this; she's no fun to be around in the first place, but when she flips from fun to serious, she's even more miserable to be around.

"You never want to talk about anything," She pushed, making me fidget. That isn't completely true. I like talking about board games and, recently, how much I love Sebastio's.

"Do you even talk to your therapist?" Why does everyone keep bringing her up?

I shot out of Kris's arms and instantly climbed out of her bed. I can feel my shaking getting worse, but I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. This place is no longer safe and I need to go somewhere safe to get oxygen. I need to get out of this room, out of this house and as far away from Kris as possible.

I need to run.

"Adri, what are you doing?" What does it look like I'm doing Kristina?

I shoved my shoes onto my feet and quickly headed for the door. I'm not going to let Kris see me have another panic attack.

The convulsions running throughout my body got worse and worse as I walked down the stairs. I didn't hear Kristina following behind me, but then again I can't hear anything except for the really loud thumping noise that surrounded me. Even when I began to scream and slam my hands over my ears, it still wouldn't go away.

The noise made me want to slam my head against the concrete until I either went deaf or the thumping stopped. I don't care if I end up in a pool of blood with a million people surrounding me. You could give me three doses of my sedative and make me stay in the hospital for months. As long as you make the thumping stop.