The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

3 | Yellow Flicker Beat

"And now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home. People talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes. I'm done with it." - Yellow Flicker Beat

-

Pro-Gay marriage. Goes to every  Pride Festival that comes to town. Believe it or not, my favorite color is rainbow. Hell, I am a lesbian. But I am NOT pro-hey-why-don't-I-practically-have-sex-with-my-girlfriend-in-a-janitor's-closet. That is a no for me. That should be a no for everybody.

But nope. Not for these two crazy kids.

Bras everywhere, beet red faces. But if we were being honest, my face was probably redder than both theirs combined. And if they thought they were putting on their clothes fast, the speed at which I ran out of the closet could've probably broken a couple of records. Not to brag or anything.

Hey, don't open that stall. Why...? Some other lesbians might be getting it on in there; you never know what's behind closed doors around here. You are incredibly unamusing. But you love me.

Despite his "warning", it was quite peaceful, making this the perfect time and place to plan my escape out of this school. I tried Mexico last time, so maybe Switzerland? I wonder how much a plane ticket cost.

"You've got to be kidding me," I muttered, as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It's like he can smell my mischief from 50 miles away.

"I'm glad to see you're still at school."

"Not for very long. Do you know how nice Switzerland is this time of year?"

His laugh is nice. Sometimes it makes being alive a little bit easier. I wish he would laugh more, that'd be nice.

"If you actually put in some effort for me, maybe I'll take you to Switzerland for Christmas." Well, what good will that do? The whole reason I want to go to Switzerland is because I don't want to be at school. I won't be at school during Christmas time, so I won't want to go to Switzerland. Use your brain here big brother.

"Ah, bribery. It's come early this year."

"Whatever missy. Go to the nurse, she's got your meds. I've met her, she's a nice lady."

He thinks that anybody that's helping you get rid of me is a good person. That's just because he doesn't understand. Well, you're not exactly trying to make him understand either. Yeah, you definitely need your meds; you're getting a bit cranky.

Cole was right. She is genuinely a nice lady. She said that I could come and talk to her at any time, and I kind of just laughed at her. I already have someone to talk to. I didn't try to tell her though, she'd just think I'm crazy. I mean even with me just laughing in her face, she probably thinks that I'm crazy. But oh well, who doesn't think that.

"Hey, you're that girl from earlier."

I stood outside the nurse's office, staring at the earlier acquainted female. She had straightened herself out since our previous encounter, even had on clothes now. Too bad I still don't want to talk to her.

"Hey wait. What's your name?" Her footsteps followed mine and I shook my head at their choice. I don't even know where I'm going. Nevertheless, they followed me. Corner after corner, until my feet got tired.

That's when I got annoyed.

"Look, my name is Adrianna and I'm a little irritated. So could you, I don't know, go away?" I didn't mean for it to sound rude, but it did. And I know that isn't the best way to make friends, but I mean come on. My feet are tired. I could've been sitting down, plotting my escape, and buying plane tickets if someone had just minded their own business. But no, I had spent 30 minutes out of my one hour of peace with a nurse who probably thinks that I am crazy, and avoiding a lesbian with no boundaries who probably is crazy.

I am truly not liking this school.

She is laughing, and I am confused. I mean it isn't even a quiet, little giggle. It's a loud, full-out burst of energy kind of thing. I rose my eyebrows at her in a questioning way, but I only actually cared for about 10 seconds before I started walking down the hallway. There are so many better things I could be doing other than watching a crazy person have a laughing fit. I still have to find my next class.

"Hey wait."

Over the past few weeks, I've been working on gaining more self-control and I am very proud of the amount of patience for people that I have gained. It obviously isn't on the same level as other peoples', but for me, it's pretty damn high.

But she makes it seem like I'm still at level zero.

Her hand is on my shoulder. A person is touching me and it isn't Cole. I want it off of me right now. She clearly doesn't understand what in the world she was doing right now, because it is still there. What do I do? Do I stab her? Bite her? It would totally have to count as self-defense against rape or something like that because I definitely do not want her hand right there and my life is definitely in danger. I've got the heartbeat of a person whose life is in danger. Maybe I should ask her to move it? I think that's what I'm supposed to do. I can't remember anything from therapy or self-defense right now. I just want that hand off.

"Hand off. Hand off. Hand off. Hand off." I really hope I'm not shaking right now. That would be embarrassing.

"Sorry, I just wanted to talk to you." That does not mean touch me. I'm starting to think that this girl has no idea what personal space means. "But anyway my name is Kris, short for Kristina, and I have a feeling that we are going to be great friends."

If this is what having a "great friend" is like, then I want no part to do with it. Come on, she's pretty. I thought that after Claire, we agreed that crazy outweighs looks. Claire's a different kind of crazy; Kristina's crazy is more of an attractive crazy. There's an attractive crazy? Oh, my dear Adrianna, you have so much to learn from me.