The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

26 | Everybody Wants To Rule The World

"Help me to decide. Help me make the most of freedom" - Everybody Wants To Rule The World

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"Adrianna, what are you doing?" Danielle giggled, watching me from my bed. I smiled and spun around in my chair at a sickeningly fast pace. I shrugged in response, stopping my chair so that I could stare at her.

"Not really sure. The spinning makes my head hurt less." I responded, then stood up from the chair and stumbled over to where she was sitting on my bed. I sat next to her and entwined my fingers with hers.

"You didn't take your medicine today?" She asked cautiously and I shook my head. I shook my head to answer her question, but also because I disapproved of her tone of voice with me. She of all people shouldn't be afraid of me acting out. She should know that I'm not going to hurt her.

"I don't need to." I started, looking up at her with a small smile. "You make me happy Dani; I don't need them anymore."

She rolled her eyes and pecked my forehead. "Yeah, try telling your brother that."

I scoffed quietly and shook my head. Cole will get over me being with Dani eventually. She isn't a bad person and he has to agree that I've been a lot better, for the most part.

"Don't worry Dani. Besides, I don't want to think about that right now." I sighed before sitting up. Dani shrugged and got up from her bed, walking over to her backpack. She rummaged through it for a while before pulling out a white pack and her favorite red lighter.

"You want one?" She offered, moving to sit on her windowsill. I shrugged and got up from the bed to walk over next to her.

"You used to smoke?" Kris interrupted, scrunching her face up in disgust and I looked up, rolling my eyes at her. Smoking wasn't all that bad. I wasn't too fond of the smell, but there's something about hurting myself in any way that will forever be extremely appealing to me.

"Like once a week. I don't do it anymore." I reassured and her face expressed a look of relief.

"Everything was good until it wasn't." I started again, my throat threatening to close up. "Eventually Danielle got bored, my crazy wasn't so attractive anymore."

"Dani, where are you going!" I shrieked, tears tumbling down my face. Her eyes locked on mine, empty and disengaged.

"I'm done, Adrianna. It's been good, but I'm kind of over this, and you. But I'll see you around school right?" She answered, not even waiting for my response before she turned around and walked out of my room.

"I can't even tell you what I did after that. I remember waking up the next day and seeing my room demolished. Cole was sitting next to me, the most panicked I had ever seen him" I continued, my body shivering at the memory.

I had blacked out in rage before Danielle, but it was never that bad. And it wasn't an isolated incident. It happened every time I called her phone and it went straight to voicemail.

"I'm assuming that after that is when you guys decided to come here?" She asked, and I bit my lip.

She's not wrong Adri. Minus the fact that I went to the nuthouse before coming here. Do you want to tell her that? Not really, but what if she finds out later and thinks that we lied? I guess you're right, but being admitted to the crazy hospital isn't the most attractive thing. Neither is having an annoying voice in your head.

"Cole...admitted me to a psych hospital first. I was there for a few weeks. Then I came here." If Kris leaves me right now, he will most likely have to do that again, but this time I will most likely burn down the building and they'll send me to jail. It wouldn't really make a difference though.