HALFWAY HERE | me

a journey of self-discovery, part one

[published 04.23.15]

There are things about this little rant here that are going to get pretty existential. I mean, it's stopped affecting me, I no longer take into account all of the thoughts that I'm about to transcribe for you in the next paragraph or two, but I just feel the need to let you know that this is how I see the world. It's therapeutic to me, but it may not be for you, so I'm just warning you, I suppose. Anyway, I'll get on with it now.

I've grown to accept the fact that (according to my own beliefs) life is totally meaningless. I am not one who believes in a God of any kind, as I've stated before, and so I believe that the entirety of human existence is simply a coincidence that worked out in our favor. Natural selection wasn't coming for us, I guess. I don't know everything, of course, but it's just my own opinion that my life -- in the grand scheme of the universe -- doesn't actually mean anything.  I find comfort in the insignificance of the life I'm living, it sort of reassures me, as if to say, "yeah, you can screw up, no one's going to care, we've only got a billion years left before the Sun burns up the Earth anyway, so go ahead and do your thing." Like I said, I don't know everything, but that's just sort of something I've wanted to get off my chest for awhile.

In addition to this theory of mine, I feel the need to inform you that I do believe in what are technically called "aliens." Now, of course I'm not referring to the little green men on Mars or whatever, but more specifically am I referring to the statistical near-impossibility of no other forms of life existing in the grand (infinite, as far as we know) vastness of space. There is literally no way that somewhere, someone is living on a planet that's in the same conditions as our own, the Goldilocks Effect having created an atmosphere, free-standing water, and, of course, a sun not too far away yet not too close. Life has to exist elsewhere in space, that's just a given.

On a third note, I'd like to discuss the concept of multiple realities. The theory in particular that I'm addressing has a name I can't seem to remember and am too lazy to look up, but I can describe it. The theory of an unknown name states that every time you make a decision, another reality is created for each decision that you don't make, and in that reality you make that decision. Though I find this theory highly improbable, it is rather interesting. I mean, do I only exist in the way I'm living now as a byproduct of another me in another nearly identical world deciding not to get chicken pizza for lunch today? Can life really exist in such a way? I doubt it, but it's still good food for thought.

On the topic of something slightly less huge and drastic, I'd like to address the concept of language. I find it incredible how humans in different parts of the world have found ways to communicate, and how much language as a whole can do for people. What essentially started as grunts and pointing slowly evolved into a complex form of speech. And this begs the question: if that original, primitive communication was still how we spoke today, would we all be able to communicate with each other? I mean, it's all just pointing and sounds, right? It's of course theoretical, but it too is a very interesting question.

And finally, to close part one of my venting, I'd like to delve into the subject of human nature and why we are the way we are. Humans, as I've grown to notice, tend to attack the odd ones out. We ridicule those who are different than us. History has proven that much, what with sexism and racism still being a major player in today's societal game even though we thought we'd conquered them many years ago. It seems it's just how we are to want to step on those we deem inferior to ourselves. But why do we do this? Humans have an innate need, a desire, to preserve ourselves. That's the only reason we have children, to preserve human life, to carry on a pointless existence that I've already addressed, and those children in turn have children for the same reason. Carry on our genes. OUR genes. It seems that humans are always at war with each other to become the alpha. We have no need other than to dominate the world on which we live, and -- given that human beings are already apex predators -- we develop a pack mentality in which various clans (countries) of the same species vie for grand control of the habitat. It is for this reason that we pick fights among our own and trample those in our way. We want to be the leaders so that we can pass on our genes to those who will have control and be the top of the top. We will do whatever it takes to become the king of the mountain, and due to our own animalistic, selfish, every-man-for-himself mentalities, we revert to our roots as living things.

I hope that was a good strong dose of existentialism, sometimes I feel the need to get these kinds of things off my chest, and this twenty minutes of me writing was most certainly a good therapy session. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well, and I'm sorry if you're not.

I'll be seeing you with another update on PtP this Sunday, so be prepared.

Much Love.