HALFWAY HERE | me

me vs kpop boys in a fight (ft. a bunch of ridiculous similies)

[published 02.07.20]

   ok so an irl friend of mine (if you see this queen, hey, sorry this is a weird way to find out i write fanfiction lmfao) and i were very jokingly discussing which of our kpop boys, if any, we could beat in a fight, or how the fight would go. now clearly damn near any kpop boy could kick my ass because they all work their asses off all the time and i very much do not do that, and i also wouldn't wanna fight any of my kpop boys because i love them duh, but we were having fun with it and since online classes, coronavirus depression, and dungeons and dragons have sapped all of my will to provide y'all with content of any kind i figured i'd port all this over so you have something to read perhaps.

   so final disclaimer: this is a joke, i love all these boys, don't take any of this seriously. that being said let's GET IT:

ATEEZ:
     - Seonghwa: mans would curb stomp me in the blink of an eye he has so much pent up rage
     - Hongjoong: despite being more than capable of kicking my ass he would probably let me win so I wouldn't feel bad
     - Yunho: would flash a smile that would put me in a trance before obliterating me
     - Wooyoung/San: individually I think I could best either of these boys, but doing so would invoke the wrath of the other and I'd live in fear for probably the rest of my life. should I be in the position of fighting them 2 vs 1 I would be eradicated entirely
     - Yeosang: in terms of power I think we'd be evenly matched but yeosang would fight so dirty and do that jj bittenbinder bullshit to put me on my ass in 30 seconds or less
     - Mingi: would kill me completely by accident, we wouldn't even be fighting he'd just like open a door I was standing right behind and knock me unconscious
     - Jongho: has more strength in one cubic millimeter of his index finger than I do in my whole body; could kill me and cremate my corpse all in one punch

THE BOYZ:
     - Sangyeon: would fight clean and fair and would help me up after kicking my ass one minute in
     - Jacob: depends; if I got him in a bad mood he'd crush my bones to dust but otherwise I think he would be much more like sangyeon—could def kill me tho
     - Younghoon: he is strong but easily distracted so I think I could probably sneak up and win if I stealthed appropriately
     - Hyunjae: mans is a full-on chaotic-aligned barbarian he would go into a blind rage and snap me in two
     - Juyeon: if we knew each other before the fight he'd play kinda dirty but if not he'd be cordial like sangyeon and jacob bc it's just business, he'd win tho
     - Kevin: kevin is a man of the fine arts and his strength stat is low so I think I could probably beat him
     - New: chanhee could be bested by a newborn baby squirrel before its eyes even open so i'm very confident I could kick his ass although I'd personally feel awful about it
     - Q: I'd forfeit. do NOT get into a fight with ji changmin he will literally murder you and then do a bangin dance break on your casket at the funeral do NOT cross the line with this man
     - Haknyeon: like younghoon is strong but not super perceptive so I could prolly catch him by surprise
     - Sunwoo: would go RABID. he'd like bite off my finger or some shit it would not go well for me
     - Eric: would also go into a barbarian rage but I still think there's a chance I could beat him depending on terrain and morale and stuff

DAY6:
     - Jae: I could pull him in two like a thanksgiving wishbone
     - Sungjin: would sweep my legs out from under me and pummel me into unconsciousness before I could even make a move; powered by frustration and not strength
     - Young K: if he didn't win in the first minute he'd get tired really fast and I'd win by outlasting his stamina
     - Wonpil: could be delicately punched in actual half
     - Dowoon: would decapitate me and use my skull and the two brain cells rattling around inside it as a maraca while recording a new track