Die Tonight-T.Songz 2/3

Die Tonight: (Extra): Gratitude

grat·i·tude
ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/
noun
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Two weeks later.

Anonymous

I sat in the chair as the crowd took place around my son's grave. Thinking about the way he suffered before he died still hasn't settled with me. He didn't deserve it.

But I did; he helped me become a better man. And that's something, right?

The guys replaced Kamryn Nicolas London's tombstone with a new one. I don't know why but that's all Nicole told me. I don't think I needed to be here for this but I was happy that she cares enough to invite me.

The crowd was small. Not many people knew about my son and the ones that did knew how protective I was of him.

Nicole told me to close my eyes and I made a face. "Naw"
"Chris."
"Nicole."
"Please.."
"Yo if this a set up, I'm kickin' ya ass." I said loudly at Allen who urged me to close my eyes. Why the fuck I gotta do it?

I heard a small thump and it got quiet. My mom held my hand while I waited.

"You can open them." Nicole said and I did. The new tombstone was covered in a sheet. "Go move it" she encouraged and I raised an eyebrow. I guess.

I walked over to his resting place and slightly pushed the stone. "NO!" Everyone screamed in unison. My mom sighed and shook her head. Allen was covering his face and Nicole was doing the same.
What the fuck I do??

"The sheet Chris, move the sheet." She sighed and I stepped back so the guys could move it back.
Damn. My bad.

I stood in front of it and slowly pulled the long black sheet away. And my heart stopped and I dropped to my knees. I could hear my mom gasp from a distance but I was too shocked to turn around.

I never thought I was a good father or even a decent one. I didn't know any better but that still wasn't an excuse. I left Nicole when she got pregnant. I didn't sign a birth certificate or even go see them. I barely acknowledged him when he was in the room. Hell I watched my best friend take care of him and didn't say anything. I was really just a sperm donor.

I didn't care about him enough until his last day. If my mom didn't come to see me before then I probably would have killed him. If I was a better person back then we wouldn't even be here. But I've learned my lesson.

"Are you okay?" I heard Allen ask and I nodded. Was I?

He pulled me into a hug and I just couldn't stop. I cried in front of a damn crowd of people. What the hell.

When I started to calm down I looked back at the replacement.

'Kamryn Nicolas London-Brown'

The addition shouldn't have affected me that much but it did. I made me feel like I actually did something right. Even though I didn't.

I turned to Nicole who was standing next to Allen. "Why did you do it?"

"I shouldn't have dumped him on you back then but I like to think that you kind of tried to take care of him. When he passed I blamed you and hated you for it. It took some years to understand that it was my fault and you dealt with it the best way you could. As much as I wanted to say you didn't care about him, I couldn't. You came here every year after he was buried. I use to sit in the parking lot and watch you sit here for hours talking, laughing and sometimes crying. You didn't forget about him and that means a lot to me. I think you deserved it."

I already cried in front of everybody, just fuck my reputation. I hugged her and she cried a little against my chest. I appreciate this more that she could ever know.

"Thank you." 
"You're welcome."

____________________

Hiiiiii!

Thoughts?