Junkhead

Haunted Memories

Nicky studied his bone thin, scarred arms as they reached up closer to her on the bed.  Tears struck her cheeks as they fell to his angular face that was filled with grief.  She tried to speak, but nothing came out, watching Layne as he forced himself to sit back up and pop his dentures back in.

"We were bad for each other," Layne finally said, his back still facing her.

She continued to cry.  "I'm not that much better than her then..."

He turned his head, those pretty blue eyes analyzing her.  His face burnt red, wishing there was just one more line of heroin left on Nicky's night stand.  He turned back away from her & glared at his gnarly track marks on his forearms.  "You are better than her..." he stated, gulping back tears.

"How in the fuck am I better than her?!  I helped you escape rehab.  I enabled you to fucking relapse.  I..." Nicky stopped herself & covered her face in shame. "You deserve better, Layne..."

Layne turned around, grabbing her and making her lie on her side so he could spoon with her.  "Demri ended up being a prostitute," he muttered, his hand resting on the side of her waist.

He had to look away from the bones that protruded from her & keep his focus on her beautiful face.  Nicky reminded him of a fractured porcelain doll...beautiful, graceful, smart, most likely talented...but broken.  And, in some way, he wanted more than anything to repair her fractured heart.

"She didn't give a shit about me in the end," Layne went on. "She cheated on me for drugs.  I wanted to get clean with her and she fucking lied to me and went out and sold her body for fucking drugs.  She blamed me for the habit she had developed, blamed me for her having to spread her legs in order to get high because I refused to fork over the dough.  She beat me.  She always brought up my father, telling me I was just like him...knowing that was the number one thing I didn't want to be.  She used my weaknesses against me so she could try to manipulate me into getting her dope.  She didn't care at all."  He stopped himself from continuing & broke down in tears, nudging his face against Nicky's neck.

She turned to him, pecking him on his cheek & stroking his face.  "Calm down, Layne," she whispered between more kisses.  He squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed by his own actions.  "Layne it's okay...I'm sorry for bringing her up.  It's just after what Mike said--"

"Mike doesn't know shit," Layne wavered, curling closer to her.  He exhaled shakily, opening his eyes to study those beautiful, unique, vampire like eyes Nicky had.  They seemed to glow, they were so bright.  "The only person in my life that knows about me is Jer...  Listen to him.  Not Sean or Mike.  The two of them are really annoyed with me.  I can't say I blame them but they'll never understand.  Plus they're both addicts themselves.  They just won't fucking ADMIT to it, instead they'll take out their own frustrations about their addictions on me.  All because I canceled touring with them in the 90's to try to better myself."

Nicky shook her head, disgusted.  "Why do you still consider them friends, then?"

Layne scowled at himself.  "They're trying to help me the best way they can.  Just like Jer... They're just not level headed like Jer because they're too fucked up on their drug of choice."  He sighed, stroking Nicky's hair out of her face.  "Don't you EVER think that I deserve better than you.  You remind me of myself...you remind me that there's still hope.  You're the only person I've been with that doesn't treat me like total shit...that doesn't blame the music industry for my addictions...  You get it.  And you're faithful.  And you're fucking beautiful.  You're helping me more than you know..."

Nicky smiled, fighting her tears as she watched his sad eyes smile back at her.  She hugged him tight.  "You're the only person that hasn't called me stupid or shallow for having an eating disorder," she started, biting her lip and looking back at him.  He was stroking her hair, smiling softly as tears slowly rolled down his sunken cheeks.  "Only person that actually got me to eat...and not purge.  You have no idea how scary this is for me--"