Junkhead

Moving On

All three of them were in Briana's jeep.  It was quiet most of the ride, aside from Mike flicking a lighter on yet another cigarette every so often.  He had been chain-smoking ever since they discharged him from the hospital.  He liked to think he was hot boxing cigarettes because he hadn't been able to smoke one in two weeks.  But that was far from the truth.  Mike could tell that Briana was extremely hesitant about allowing him to live with her & Layne.  He knew it was because of the altercation that happened at Nicky's funeral.

Layne turned around in his seat to get a good look at his friend.  Mike was starting to look better.  He wasn't as thin anymore and he had color back in his face.  Looking at his hand that held the cigarette, though, he could tell Mike was still going through some form of withdrawal.  His hand was shaking like an old man's with Parkinson's.

"How come you're still having tremors?" Layne asked him, his eyebrows furrowed.

Mike chewed on his lower lip.  He kept his eyes out the window.  He was tired of taking in that look of pity on his best friend's face.  "Benzodiazepines take forever to fully get out of your system...especially Valium and k's," he grumbled.  He took another drag from his smoke, sighing a bit when he exhaled.  "I dunno why those assholes didn't write a script for more Librium for me.... This shit sucks."

"They never write a script of controlled substances for addicts," Briana intervened.  She sounded on edge, her expression blank.  "Plus you're over the hump of the worst point of benzo withdrawal.  You're not at seizure risk anymore."

Layne turned back around to look at her.  He sighed when he took in her expression.  She looked irritated.  He squeezed her shoulder and leaned over to her.  "Babe, it'll be okay...  Mike is going to get better, I promise," he whispered into her ear.

She turned on the radio and cranked the volume up.  She began speeding through downtown Seattle.  Layne's eyes grew wide as he heard the screeching of her jeep's wheels.  He held on for dear life once the car started bumping and tilting due to her sharp turns.

"Bre, JESUS, we're not in a fucking race here!" Layne shouted.  He flicked off the radio, sharing a look with Mike.  Turning back to look at his girlfriend, he noticed that her face was now crimson with rage.  "Briana, what the fuck?  Mellow the heck out."

She pulled her jeep over and parallel parked it near a subsidized apartment complex.  Reaching into her jacket pocket, she lit a cigarette.  She turned to Mike, her face softening when she saw him giving her a look as though he was begging her to toss him on the road and run him over.

"Mike," she started.  She gulped down her nerves, taking a few drags of her cigarette.  Her body leaned back into her driver's seat.  "Mike, I'm sorry for acting cold towards you," she groaned.  She caught a look from Layne.  He was just sitting there in his passenger seat, his eyebrows raised.  Her eyes wavered back at Mike.  "It's just...I'm worried about Layne AND you now.  I don't want to find the both of you using again all because I allowed you to stay under the same roof.  It's not that I don't like you.  I get it that you're an addict and that the disease ISNT WHO YOU ARE. I'm really scared."

Mike nodded and flicked his cigarette out the window.  "I understand, Briana," he muttered.  "I know I've done some fucked up shit in front of you...  I honestly was shocked when you said you were going to allow me to stay with you guys."  He sighed and looked over at Layne.  "I don't want to hurt anyone anymore though...  And I'm tired of living the way I have been.  Junk doesn't work for me like it used to, it's part of the reason why I tried..."  He stopped himself.  He squeezed those dark eyes shut, gulping back his remorse.  "It's part of why I tried to do what I did..."  His eyes slid over to Briana.  "I want to change.  I know you probably don't believe me due to all of the shit I did, but I really do want to change.  This stupid doper life style isn't worth it...  Like I've said, I don't really have anyone anymore--"