Junkhead

Salvation

He jolted from the squeaky old motel mattress, stick-arms wrapped tight around his abdomen. Tears streamed down his ghostly face as he bent over the bed where the bucket was. The barf cascaded from his lips, gasping frantically when he finished.

Shaky hands immediately pounced on the already prepared heroin needle & the broken rubber band beside it. It was almost a blur how fast he tied the band taut around his wrist & injected himself into his hand. Finally, he could breathe.

His skeletal body slumped back down on the bed. A grimace wrinkled his face as his hand rested on his rib cage. His stomach & intestines were killing him. He had been locked up inside this shitty motel for a month now & he hadn't had a bowel movement in eight days.

Blue eyes glanced around the room, a sigh escaping him. It was a complete mess. Crumpled papers from failed attempts of writing Jerry & his mother apology letters matted the floor. There was a pile of soda cans & booze bottles in the corner of the room next to his bed. Used syringes were literally all over the place. He could even feel one sticking him in his back. He didn't even care to remove it. He didn't care about anything anymore.

After years of trying to be with the right girl, he had made up his mind that no matter what, he'll be stuck with a crazy unappreciative bitch. He tried to look at it in a positive light, but there's no other way to describe it. Literally every woman (more like GIRL) that he has dated ended up being terrible for him. And no matter how hard he tried to help them, it was like they couldn't hear what he was saying. And they couldn't see how much he truly loved them.

He's given up. On everything. All he's been doing since he left Jerry's house was call Jordan & buy heroin. He didn't even bother with speed anymore, he's been traumatized by it ever since Nicky. He never allowed Jordan to linger either. He spent his days lonely & dragged out, scribbling notes of self-pity to the only people who truly gave a shit about him. His heart went out to his mother & Jerry. They tried so hard to help him. They tried just as hard as he tried with bitches like Demri & Nicky. He felt like he fit into the same category as those girls & it disgusted him.

He licked his lips, thirst & hunger now tormenting him. He hadn't ate in 3 days & he hadn't had anything to drink since yesterday morning. He tried to drink the tap water but the taste always made him vomit.

A groan escaped him as he sat up, debating on whether or not he should head over to the store across the street to pick himself up something to drink.

"I need a fucking enema or something," he grumbled to himself. He cringed again when his abdomen cramped up. Defeated by his physical needs, he stood up & pulled his jeans on. Yet again he had to get his pocket knife out to make another belt notch. He had been dropping weight like crazy for obvious reasons.

He threw on his leather jacket & his sock hat to conceal his greasy hair. With that, he was out the door & on his motorcycle, zipping across the street to the pharmacy parking lot.

He kept his gaze on the ground. He tried his best to pretend that he didn't notice that everyone was staring at him. Inside he was dying though. Not only did his current appearance freak him out, but it scared complete & utter strangers. The other week when he was in the liquor store, a man on the street asked him if he had cancer. The concern on his face was something Layne had never seen in his life. Apart of him wanted to apologize to him even though the guy obviously had no clue that Layne was doing this all to himself.

He, dizzily, made his way to the back of the pharmacy, glaring at the colon cleansing kits before him. He had been in this position too many times. A weighted feeling on his chest commenced. He forced himself to pick up one of the boxes & pretended like he was reading the information on the back. In reality, his vision was blurring & the world seemed to be spinning.

"Layne? Is that you?" He heard a female voice call.

He turned his head. All he could see was blonde hair & green eyes. It couldn't have been his sister, though. His sister had a deeper voice & she was much taller.

"Who...who are..." His body interrupted his words, collapsing hard onto the tiled ground.

Everything went black.