It's Not What You Think

Chapter 15: The Lonely

Thanks aebeadleslove for making this old cover for the story! This chapter is dedicated to you! :)

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I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have. It was wrong, but it was so right.

His lips were rough against my own. It sent shocks through my body as his rubbed up against my own, our hips grinding together. I couldn't help, but kiss back harder. His lips felt so good against my own. My hands ran up his chest and then to his neck where one wrapped around and the other tangled itself into his blonde hair, pulling his face closer to mine. Our lips were moving perfectly in sync like it had been planned.

His hands seemed to do the same thing, but wrapped around my waist pulling me as close as possible even though we were totally pressed up against each other. The kiss was amazing, and it was exhilerating. I was enjoying it, forgetting about everything until his tongue ran across my bottom lip, asking for entrance.

That's when I snapped out of it. I suddenly pushed him away and jumped backwards which caused me to fall into the cabinet I was earlier leaning against, but I quickly regained focus and before he could say anything I raced out of the room. My feet were flying across the tiles of the hallways as I rounded corners and rushed through corridors.

I didn't care if my detention was over or not I wasn't going to be alone in his room with him again. I didn't want to do something like I had just done again. I didn't trust myself not to do it again, it felt so good. Oh God... I had not just kissed my teacher. No, that couldn't have happened. It was wrong. It's illegal. I could get expelled and he could lose his job! What if John found out? Oh my God! Anya... Anya, Anya, Anya!

What were you thinking Anya?!

"God, I'm so stupid!" I scolded myself, slowing my pace realizing I was out of sight from anyone and my breath was unsteady. I didn't know if it was from the full on make-out session I just had with my teacher or the running I had done to get away from my teacher.

 I had passed the math and science wings minutes ago, but hadn't stopped. I didn't want to be near anyone. I had to think of what I just did. I couldn't have possibly done that. I wasn't like that. I wasn't raised to do something like that. I pressed my back against the wall and slid down having tears start forming in my eyes. I wasn't like this, never was.

I had changed since I came to this school, since I met John, since I saw my mother die right in front of my eyes. Her dying body resting in my hands. I dug my hands into my hair running them up and over my face. Whoever did that to her changed my whole life. Where I lived, who I knew, what I did, etc. I hated it.

"I hate you!" I screamed into the dark of the empty hallways. I didn't know who I was screaming to, but I wanted to. I didn't know how everything went back to my mother's death, but it did. Every little thing I did here went back to her, her death.

This person ruined my life from the second that they started watching me. I wanted so badly to get revenge have them deal with having their life totally turned upside down due to one thing that someone did to them. My head hurt from all of the things rushing through my mind and my fingers that were gripping at my hair so hard. I was so messed up because of this all.

"I just kissed my teacher and all I can think about is you." I whispered, dropping my head in defeat as I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and silently crying into my heated skin. I couldn't go a day without thinking about her, a night without seeing her motionless body in my nightmares, a minute without remembering the sound of the gun, a second without seeing the look in her eyes before they closed forever...