Falling in Love with a Star

Chapter 4 - The Breaking of the World

It's the next morning. I decide that maybe I don't want to go to college today. I don't want anyone to see me looking like this. Looking so weak and destroyed. Broken and breathless.

I message Phil

From Dan
Hey Phil, I won't be in college today so no need to wait for me outside. Bye.

Not like he waits for me anyway anymore.

No reply. All day and nothing. My phone buzzes, I look over to see a message from Courtney

From Courtney
Hey, you feeling alright today? PJ told me what happened because I saw you walking out together. Anyway if you ever need to talk I'm only a phone call away. Just remember that. Anyway. I'll see you soon xxx

I smile slightly. Courtney is becoming more of a friend than Phil. Wow. I text her back

From Dan
Hey Coco, no I'm not gong to be in today. Not feeling 100% yet but I'll hopefully be in tomorrow. Talk soon XP

I sigh. Putting my phone down. Not looking at it for the remainder of the day.

••••••••

During the day I become worse and worse. Bruises appear all over my body from Elliot's beating yesterday. I keep looking at myself. Just hating the way I look. Wanting to change every aspect of myself.

(Okay a trigger warning is coming up. So you have been warned! Sorry)

I look through the bathroom drawers and find what I'm looking for. I turn on the bath tap and fill up a warm bath for myself. I strip from my filthy clothes and climb in. I look at my body. Hating everything about me.

I take the blade. The silver object that will destroy my future. My life. I carve into my skin. Starting with my legs. I carve the words 'Fat, Emo, Gay' into my legs. Deep. The water turning a red colour. I get dizzy slightly but keep carving. I carve into my stomach. My fat ugly stomach. I lay back in the bathtub. Relaxing from the satisfaction.

I look at my arms. The faded scars on my wrists. Not for long. I carve my wrists, going across the road. But a thought comes to mind...down the street. I carve. Not long passing out in the bath. The water. Red from all the blood. My lifeless body laying in the bath.

A couple hours later Chris and PJ come round. Knocking on the front door. No answer. Knocking again. Nothing. As I gave them a spare key a while ago, they walk in and look around the house. Looking from me. They walk into my bedroom. Finding a piece of paper on my bed. They walk over and read it together. It reads

'Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been - Daniel James Howell'

They jump up and look around the house. They come to the final room. The bathroom.

They push down the handle. Locked. They shout "Dan?! Dan are you in there?!" They put more force into the door. Bursting it down. They see my lifeless body in the tub. Naked and covered in blood. They react quickly. Chris calls an ambulance and PJ lifts me from the tub. Wrapping a towel around me.

••••••••

It's been 2 days since 'it' happened. PJ and Chris have visited me everyday. But no Phil. I've been unconscious the whole time. Machines keeping me alive. The beeping the only thing that is heard in the room.

It's Friday. Someone bursts through the door. It's Phil. He's sees my unconscious body on the bed. He Kneels down beside my bed grasping my hand tightly. No sign of movement.

Dan you really are an idiot.

You couldn't even kill yourself properly.

You fuck everything up.

*Phil's POV*
I run into Dan's hospital bedroom. I only found out about 20 minutes ago. I drove straight here. Worried sick.

"It's all my fault. I'm so sorry Dan!" I cry into the bed sheets. Holding his hand tightly. I know he's been unconscious for a couple days. But I just want him to wake up. What brought him to this? Was it me? Was it really my fault?

*Dan's POV*
I hear a mumble. For the first time in days I hear a soft croaking voice. I know who it is straight away. Phil. I feel his hand on mine. I slowly grasp it. Weakly but still showing signs of life to him.

His head lifts up "Dan? Dan are you alright?" He exclaims. Quietly but seriously. My eyes slowly open. First thing I see are his blue eyes slightly red from crying.

He smiles. Seeing life in my eyes. "It's nice seeing your chocolate eyes again" I smile. More like shit coloured. Just saying. Don't know what chocolate you've seen but it must of come out of someone's butt. Less Mars bar more arse bar.

I look at him with sorrow in my eyes "I....I'm S" I puts his finger over my lips and stops my from speaking any further. "Shhh don't apologise Dan. You're a sweet guy and I don't want you to hurt yourself ever again" I feel my cheeks burning up. I move the metal bars that prevent me from falling from off the bed. I then pat the bed. Inviting Phil to lay with me. Which he does.

He lays down beside me, I rest my head on his chest. Him, stroking my hobbit hair as it hasn't been straightened for a couple days. "I like your hair. It's cute curly" I blush and hide my face in his chest "nuuuu I hate it" I say from embarrassment. "What?! Why?!" He asks surprised. "It looks horrible and messy" I say. My face still buried in his chest so my words are slightly muffled.

The nurse walks in telling us visiting time is over. But just looking at me and Phil. Laying down on this bed, in a tight embrace. She just smiles and leaves us to it, letting Phil stay overnight.

With having Phil by my side I feel so much more safe. Having him stroking my hair I slowly fall asleep into his arms. Enjoying the time that I'm having with him. Enjoying the life that I nearly lost.

Today to failed to die.

But you will die soon Dan.

I'll make sure of it.

I'll drive you crazy.

Mad!

Die Dan.

DIE

NOTES:
Hey. So I'm so sorry that this chapter is really sad but I wanted it to get somewhere with Phil. I wanted them to get closer and I feel like this helped. I'm sorry if this triggered you or upset you in any way.

Anyway.

Thank you <3