Falling in Love with a Star

Chapter 12 - Traveling through Time.

As I wake up from my well rested sleep. I squint my eyes as of the light shining through the curtain "Phil, close the curtains!" I roll over to feel an empty single bed. I quickly sit up. Looking at the room

"What?!" I sit in shock. Being back in my room back in 2009. The horribly uncomfortable bed. The grey block of a TV. I go to grab my phone. Which isn't there "fuck"

I grab my laptop and check my social media, a lot less followers on everything. No YouTube account. Phil and I not verified on anything. Phil not even following me. Was all that just a dream? Was meeting Phil not a reality, we never got engaged.

Are they pranking me?! I grab my house phone and call Chris

"SAPPO?!" He shouts down the phone

"Chris where's Phil?" The phone goes silent

"Who's Phil?" I just stare into space what does he mean who is Phil.

"Chris. Get here now!" I put the phone down.

Within 10 minutes the front door open and Chris walks in. He's basically family so he makes himself at home. He walks into my room seeing the state that I am in. He runs over to me "Dan what's wrong?!" He holds me tightly

"This joke isn't funny anymore Chris! Where is Phil!" I shout. Emotionally. "Where's my Phil?" My voice trailing off.

"There is no Phil, Dan. There never has been, the only Phil is that YouTuber you're obsessed with."

"I need to see him." I stand up. Grabbing a back pack remembering where he lived at this time before I met him

••••••••

After a while of Chris trying to convince me not to go and stop being so stupid I finally get him to tag along. If he can't stop me he might as well join me.

We leave to the train station and buy one way tickets to Manchester. My nerves building up.

Told you I'd come back Dan.

Told you I'd ruin you again.

Destroy your life.

Say goodbye to Phil while you have the chance.

••••••••

The train journey feels like days because of my nerves building up so much. We finally arrive at Manchester as I jump off of the train at the stop along with Chris. Chris thinking I've gone mad. I'm making all this up. If only he knew.

I figure out my way to Phil's. Slowly but surely getting there. I see the house from across the street. Starting to get really nervous as my body freezes. Chris shakes me and tries to calm my nerves "Dan come on. He's not going to know who you are. You've never met him before and you expect him to know you just like that. Dan lets just go back home before we waste his time" I shake my head and just walk across the road. Not even paying attention to the ongoing traffic that stops immediately before running me over. I just continue walking. In a complete trans by Phil's old home. Before we moved into that fancy flat we had together. I look at the door and reach for the bell. Before stopping. Feeling hesitated. Starting to shaking. Chris holds onto my tightly as I bury my face into his chest. Chris now realising how much this means to me. And how much this is affecting me.

The tears and shakes become stronger and start to gain into a panic attack. My body goes weak as my knees give in. Chris holding me up.

"Is everything okay out here?" I hear a soft but calming voice say from the road. I turn and see him. Phil. Crossing the road back to his home with some shopping bags. Chris tells him that I'm having a panic attack "oh dear god. Get him inside now. I know exactly how you feel" he opens the door and leads me and Chris inside as Chris places me down on the sofa. I feel more relaxed knowing that Phil knows I exist. Well he doesn't know who I am but he knows I'm on this planet.

I curl up into a ball on his sofa, my knees against my chest. Chris stroking my hair to try and relax me. Phil grabs a glass of water and gives it to me "my mum always gives me a glass when I'm unwell or having an attack" he smiles "I'm Phil by the way" Chris smiles "I'm Chris and this is Dan"

Phil sits by me and turns on the TV. Pokémon. Typical. "Oh sorry I'll change channel. That's my cousin watching that" I smile knowing it's a huge lie as I grab the remote from his hands. Preventing him from turning the channel "I love Pokémon, so it's okay"

He smiles. Hearing my voice for the first time. I look into his crystal blue eyes and smile at him. Suddenly there is a knock at Phil's door. He jumps from his seat to answer it.

I recognise the voice. It's PJ. He probably will have no idea who I am either. PJ walks into the room and sees me and Chris. Chris looks up at PJ, unable to take his eyes off of him. I snap my fingers bringing Chris back as he shakes his head. I chuckle

"Hello" PJ smiles and holds out his hand. Me and Chris introduce ourselves as we shake his hand. Phil looks at me to see how pale I am. He checks my temperature which brings a blush to my cheeks which also makes my face heat up even more. I miss his soft touch. I miss the way he worries. I miss his love.

I miss him.

He strokes my cheeks feeling the heat of them, as I take his hand in mine and kiss his knuckles. As I finish I realise what I have done and let go of his hand before looking up at him "I'm sorry! Force of habit" Phil holds his other hand and rubs his knuckles. Being slightly shocked.

"I hardly know you. How is it a force of habit?" He looks at me. Surprised and confused.

I look at Chris asking for a little help. He rolls his eyes and jumps down on the sofa with me "it's because when I stroke his cheek he kisses my knuckles." Phil looks confused "why though? Is there a point?" He asks Chris. He sighs and whispers to me "you owe me one after this" he looks back at Phil "well yeah. He is my boyfriend and all" he wraps his arm around me and holds my hand. I stare at him "excuse me what? I mean yeah." Phil smiles. I look up at Phil. Wishing it was him I was holding. "I love you" I say looking at Phil. Chris nudging me "I love you too Dan" he says softly. Placing a kiss on my temple.

Phil.

I miss you.

Why don't you love me anymore.

Please remember me.

It's me. Your fiancé

Daniel James, soon to be Lester Howell

Your shit eyed lover.

Please Phil. Please

Notes
Sorry about the really really bad chapter. I've had a really bad day. I've had 7 panic attacks in college for some unknown reason. Doesn't help that my depression is kicking in again. You probably don't want to hear about my life story

Anyway

Thank you <3