Living With BTS (SMUT)

Suicide

I became numb really quickly, I felt paralyzed by the cold. Before I could drift away, I heard the distant sound of ringing in the distance.

"Goodbye" I mumbled. "Whoever it is, I'm leaving now". I didn't have the energy, nor the motivation to answer the phone. Finally, the ringing silenced. Just as I was going to close my eyes, I heard it again. And plenty more times after that. Why am I not dead yet? Why am I still alive?

The ringing became unbearably annoying, I had no choice. I forced myself into the house and glanced at the number. It was just Lily.

"Can I just die in peace"? I asked.

"(y/n), get a glass of warm milk and go to sleep. I don't want to hear any of this death talk or I'll come over and take you to a hospital". She replied.

"I knew that would happen".

"I'm serious (y/n). Think about the boys, did they love you"?

"They sure showed it. But now I realize they were probably acting".

"No human is that evil".

"Jae Kwan is".

"(y/n) go to sleep. Please, think about how it would affect your family and friends".

"What friends"?

"(y/n) you have friends. You have tons of people who care to death about you".

"Alright then. I'll go to sleep now. You caught me, and now I'm going to sleep. Just don't send me to a hospital. I promise to keep it together".

"You better. But please (y/n) I love you. Remember our times together. I really love you and you're more than a cousin to me. You're my best friend". I thought about what Lily just said. Lily and I really did have a strong connection when we were younger, I can't give up my life and forget her.

"I love you too. I'll try to get sleep this time. But I'll only do it for you". After exchanging goodbyes, I actually tried to sleep this time. Even if I was just lying around staring into darkness, I need to learn to move on and keep living. This is the way things are now. They're gone, I can't be gone too.

****4:25 AM****

I'm still awake. I haven't drifted off to sleep even for a second. My phone buzzed and then lit up. I glanced at it for a while, waiting for my vision to come back into place. Someone texted me.

'So here's the deal, I'll pay you extra this time. I feel like an asshole'.

'Who is this'. I texted back.

'Whoever you want me to be'. Was the response.

'Lily, if it's you using another phone I'm not trying to kill myself again. I'm actually in bed'

'What do you mean 'trying to kill yourself again'?

'So it's not Lily'?

'Don't kill yourself. You need to survive'.

'Seriously, who is this'?

'They had to quit. It's all your fault this time lol'.

'Can you just tell me who you are'?

That was it. There was no response back. Before I couldn't sleep because I missed them too goddamn much. Now, I can't sleep because I'm trying to figure out who that was. And these thoughts alone took my mind away from the boys for a while. Because for the first time in days, I think I got some sleep. Why do I think I got sleep? I could've easily been hallucinating. I can't decide whether or not the sound of the front door opening was real or not. I know for a fact that I locked the door and my keys are right on my desk. I did have spare keys though, but I lost those about 3 months ago.