Don't Let Me Go || l.s.

Chapter 1 - Lost And Insecure

A/N: I'm dedicating this first chapter to MusicIsSanity because he's wonderful and his stories give me inspiration!

"Mum, please don't make me go to school today." Louis looked into his mum's eyes as he grabbed her hand, trying to find comfort in her motherly warmth. He needed something to make him calm, some sort of reassurance that his mum would give in and he wouldn't have to face another day in the dreaded hell he called school. "Please don't. One more day out, please."

Jay's eyes roamed her eldest child's face until landing upon his eyes. The usual bright blue ones were masked over in grey and on the brink of tears. It pained her to see her own flesh and blood like that, scared, petrified even to face another day at school where he'd encounter endless teasing and bullying. "You've missed so many days of school already, dear. You have to go. Maybe this time it'll be different." She reassured as she squeezed Louis's hand and pressed her lips against his cheek where she could taste the salty substance of his tears. "You say that every single time!" He roared while throwing his blankets to the side and climbing out of bed. "You say it . . . every day but it never gets better, just worse." 

Louis had now seated himself on his desk chair, keeping his eyes focused out of the window even whenever feeling the soft touch of his mum's hands on his shoulders. His breathing uneven and coming out in short breaths as he tried to control himself. 

"Calm down, deep breaths through your nose then let it out slowly." His mum sighed. She honestly did not want to relive last week, his panic attack had gotten the worse it's ever been, then afterwards he ended up having a seizure.

"Why can't I be home schooled?" 

She let out a laugh and raked her fingers through the tangled mess of her son's hair. "Your father and I don't have the schedule to be able to do so, LouBear. If we could, we would. Now get dressed and ready then come downstairs, I'm making pancakes."

Even though Louis wasn't the happiest at his mum for making him go to school, he couldn't deny her infamous pancakes he had grown to love. "With the little chocolate chips cooked inside?" His voice was quiet and pathetic and he hated how much he sounded like a child right then. "Well of course!" Jay smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead before trotting from his room and shutting the door behind her.

Louis was now left to himself in the quietness of his room. 

The boy figured soon he would be forced to get ready for school so he might as well do it now. He pushed through the clothes in his closet but hadn't a clue in the world what to wear. So he found his attire to end up being; sweatpants, his Tom & Hawk Manolito Montoya Sweater that his parents had gotten him last Christmas that was now a bit large on him, and grey TOMS. Styling his hair didn't take long, all he did was brush it out and boom, finished. But no matter how many times he brushed his hair over, there would still be pieces that continued to stick up and it annoyed the hell out of him.

"Breakfast, Lou!" Jay called from downstairs in the kitchen, setting one plate of chocolate chip pancakes on the islander along with a glass of milk. Little did the mother know that her son was upstairs in the bathroom he shared with two of his sisters, Lottie and Fizz, staring into the mirror and picking out every single flaw he had. Demolishing the tiny ounce of self esteem he had left in him. "Louis, get down here! And don't forget your glasses!"

Minutes passed and her son was seen moping down the stairs with his backpack slung over his shoulder and glasses rest on his nose. "Slow poke," she teased playfully and gave him a warming smile, watching as he took a seat on one of the three bar stools that were pushed into the islander. "Eat up, Mark has a bit of time this morning before work to drive you to school."