Don't Let Me Go || l.s.

Chapter 12 - Losing Grip

Warmth escaped Louis as he tossed and turned on Harry's bed, occasionally kicking the other in his sleep. Harry blinked his eyes open to see Louis looking distressed in his sleep, so he pulled him close, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Instantly, Louis relaxed and cuddled his back into Harry's torso before falling back into a deep, gentle sleep.

Harry let his fingers trace down Louis' face, down the jawline and onto his neck where he let his fingers dance around a bright red hickey before continuing downward. Reaching his slim hip, Harry massaged the bare skin slowly with a small smile.

His smile disappeared whenever Louis started to talk in his sleep.

"Ha-Harry, no, don't. Please . . . stop it, please." Louis started to toss once again and Harry was quick to unravel his arms from Louis and climb from the bed. He stared at the small figure of his boyfriend who was wrapped up in the comforter, starting to break into a sweat.

He started to panic.

Slowly backing up towards the shut door, Harry rubbed his eyes wearily and whenever opening them back up, he found Louis sleeping like a baby. Mouth hung open and head pressed into the side of the pillow, absentmindedly gripping at the cover to try and receive warmth from it. Harry was utterly confused, wasn't Louis just thrashing around and talking in his sleep?

Surely, someone couldn't be deep in sleep after that.

Once Harry shut his eyes to try and find answers, they were answered rather quickly and he blinked his eyes back open. Louis was back to squirming or mumbling, or so Harry thought.

"No, fuck." He breathed and ran his fingers through his curls, quietly twisting the door knob and opening the door as silent as possible, before making his way out of the room and down the stairs. His thoughts were getting the best of him again, because in reality, Louis was sound asleep without a worry in the world at the moment.

Pacing around the living room, Harry ran his hands down his face multiple times. His brain was jumbled with many flashbacks and horrible, horrible memories. "I . . ." He kept his eyes open for as long as possible because whenever he shut them, even for a split second, his mind was overtaken by his inner demons and past memories that were more like nightmares.

Tears slipped down Harry's reddened cheeks while he sunk down to his knees. Choking back on sobs, he listened to a bedroom door creak open from upstairs, and then heard quiet footsteps making their way down the stairs and into the living room.

"Baby, come back to bed." Louis whined sleepily, letting out a yawn and adjusting his eyes to the semi-darkness of the living room, seeing Harry gripping frantically on his curls with his body shaking. Cautiously, Louis made his way over to Harry to find he was . . . crying? "H-Harry, what's wrong?" He asked softly, raking his fingers through the matted curls which calmed Harry, but not much.

"I-I'm . . . sorry."

"Hey, hey, why are you sorry?" Louis kneeled down to take Harry's hands off of his face, holding them tightly in his own.

"I'm sorry I took your virginity."

Louis raised his eyebrows in questions and shook his head, "That was last week, but why do you feel sorry? I wanted you to."

"No, no, I forced you. Didn't I? I-I did. B-because you were telling me to stop . . . and, I'm sorry." Harry cried even harder, so Louis attempted to wrap his arms around his boyfriend but quickly retreated back whenever Harry pushed his arms away. "I'm sorry," he fell back onto his bum and wrapped his arms around his knees that were pulled up to his chest.

To say Louis was confused was an understatement.

He didn't understand why Harry was acting like this, or apologize for taking his virginity. He was acting like a completely different person and Louis had never seen Harry so vulnerable and . . . scared to touch him. "I took away all of your innocence," Harry wiped his nose slowly. "I'm sorry for raping you, Louis. I'm so sorry."