A Teenage Love Affair

A Teenage Love Affair: Chapter 50- The Show

They say that love is like the game Give Me What I Want. You give what they want; you give and you give and in the end it’s never enough.

I wanted to tear myself away from this world and be in the Ender’s Game instead to be bait to someone else’s war than face my own. I ragingly wipe the tears from my face as I menacingly placed the letters back inside the box. I faced Marky as normal as possible but I found him asleep already. So I lay beside him and wished that I was quiet enough to sob in my sleep.

 I cannot explain the sadness and the hurt inside of me as I woke up without Marky on my side. Even though he had left a letter telling me that he had brought Margaux back to their house, I still feel so lost and isolated. As much as I wanted to forget about what I knew, it keeps on coming back to me like a wave of grief.

The wind blew his hair into a mess as he enters the apartment. He notices my aloofness as he came across to meet me.

“Are you all right?”

I nodded as I wiped my face tiredly. “I didn’t get much sleep. That’s all.”

He smiles wryly. “Okay.”

I avoided his eyes as he searches mine so I went to the fridge to get something to drink. But I only found milk and my stomach soured. I turned around to only bump my face on his face.

 He tilts my face up to meet his. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I sighed. “If… if something’s going on… you will tell me right?”

He considers it for a moment. “Yes.”

I nodded.

“If you’re worried about Margaux—“

“No, it’s not that—“

“Then are you worried about me or my mom…”

I am worrying about us is what I didn’t tell him.

I hugged myself and rubbed my palms on the side of my arms to warm myself.

“We’re… doing okay right? I mean… us. We’re okay.”

Marky smiles at me and he reaches for me. “We are okay. Hakuna Matata.”

I didn’t smile or answer. I took his hands and I pulled him towards me.

“I love you, Marky, so much.”

He pulls away a little and he looks down at me. “And I love you more, Dennise.”

I’m not so sure but why do I feel like that I love you was not meant for me.

“You will let me know if you’re gonna leave me right?”

He looks at me confusedly. “Dennise?” I realized that I was crying and when he lowers his face to look at me I started to sob. I feel so ashamed of myself for crying out loud.

“What made you say that?”

“I just… I just want to be prepared if ever you’re going to leave me.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “That’s not gonna happen.” He cups my face and yet my tears keep falling. Marky wraps his arms around me and he holds me close. I squeezed my eyes shut and I blocked Dee from my head.

***

The next few weeks passed and I started to feel like drowning again. I see hallucinations inside my head of Dee and Marky. I think I really need to go to a mental facility or maybe get a shrink. I couldn’t even sense anything unless they’re too close for me to feel.