Human (ON HOLD.)

Chapter Five: Sober

𝑮𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆. 𝑾𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.

Selena's POV

When I wake up to feel someone's arms around my waist, memories of last night immediately come flooding back...oh no. I feel my chest slowly sink.

I close my eyes and just hope that this is a dream and I'll wake up, wake up to find that I didn't just fall back into the dark hole of our relationship, after all the times I told myself I wouldn't.

God, what the hell am I doing? There has to be a reason I keep finding my way back to him...no matter what I do to push him out, no matter what happens between us, I still always find myself in his tight hold. That has to mean something...right?

No...I know, I know what my choice has to be. I have to leave today and never find myself here again. It's better for the both of us...it has to be. We've just been so stubborn with each other and our break up that we kept going back and forth, killing each other softly in the process.

"Morning," Justin mumbles against my neck. I open my eyes again to look at him. When his eyes opens, he winces. With how drunk he was last night, he's probably having a really bad hangover right now.

I laugh softly, "Your head hurt?"

He chuckles. There it is again, something as simple as his smile being strong enough to make me falter..."Yeah."

When he pulls me into a kiss, I can't help but notice the way it doesn't feel the same...the way it's so full of desperation, but not for each other...for who we used to be. For what we used to feel before. Same lips, same kiss, but not the same touch.

I pull away and get up from the bed. I scrunch my nose when I realize I slept in my jeans...no wonder I woke up so uncomfortable and sweaty...I pull on my shoes and slip in my jacket, running the tangles out of my hair with my fingers. Luckily I wasn't wearing any makeup last night so nothing is smudged.

"Are you leaving?"

I turn and look at him. He looks so tired...."Yeah, I have to...do some stuff," I lie.

Worry and uneasiness takes over his face as I stand there with my keys in my hands, unsure what to say. He stretches his hand out to me, and I smile half-heartedly as I place mine in his, "I love you, Sel." Just like that, all my intentions to end things dissipates, trapping myself back in.

I swallow the lump lodged in my throat and nod, "Love you too..."

I walk out of the room and into the guest bathroom, splashing my face with cold water. There she is, the same reflection in the mirror that I have been seeing for all these dragging months. The exhausted, haunted, void girl...I look at her and just cry. Once a-fucking-gain. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I keep putting myself in this position—there's no one left to blame but me. Just minutes ago, I was telling myself that us being together was doing more harm than good, and now, I find myself in his bathroom after telling him I love him.

"Stupid..." I whisper to myself, turning off the water and walking out.

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