Time Will Tell (A Michael Jackson Story)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"You are fucking sick. Why would you joke about that? Mom is back home. She's alive! Very much alive."

"You're the one who's sick if you actually think I would lie about that! Mom is gone. I know this." Zara says defensively.

I shake my head. "Stop lying to me! That's all everyone ever does anymore!"

"I'm not lying! Just shut up so I can explain this."

Not even waiting for my reaction, she continues.

"Aniko, I know you won't remember this, obviously. But when Mom was pregnant with you, she was so sick. The doctors told her about the risks of giving birth to you, but she went through with it anyway because she never backed out of anything. And because of course, she loved you.

She was in labor for ten hours. Excruciating pain. I remember standing by her bedside, watching her struggle, feeling horrible because there was nothing I could do.

All the nurses and doctors were concerned. They asked her if she would be okay with them delivering you through c-section, but she refused. She wanted more than anything to deliver you naturally and hold you in her arms.

So finally, when you were crowning, she went through the pain. And she pushed and pushed. Her agonizing cries still ring in my head.

Then, your cries replaced hers. Aniko, you were a blessing, a miracle. So beautiful.

Everything seemed okay at least for a little while. You were born, Mom was beyond happy.

But then things went downhill so fast and sudden.

She died, Aniko. Giving birth to you caused severe bleeding that the doctors couldn't stop. So "Mom" really isn't Mom. That's our Aunt, her twin sister.

Mom planned for the worst. Secretly, she made our aunt promise to pose as our "mother" so you would never know that she died from giving birth to you. She asked Auntie to finally tell you when you're eighteen. She never did, so I am now.

I'm sorry I'm throwing all of this at you so quickly, love. But this is the truth. I'll put it on my life.

She was so young. She had you out of wedlock. Me too. She couldn't get the abortion even if she wanted to, because her family would not allow her at any cost."

As if I was in a hazy trance, I reach my hand up to touch my eye. It's dry.

Why am I not crying? Why am I not sobbing? It can be argued that I killed my mother. I killed my mother by living. My mother I never knew...

Zara places a gentle hand on my leg and looks at me with a very sympathetic smile, a single tear making its course down her face.

"And do you know what her name was?"

"What?" I whisper shakily.

"Aniko."

-

After twenty minutes of staring into space, I remember that Collin said he would wait for me up front. I excuse myself from Zara and go find him.

He's sitting on a bench, straightening up his bowtie in the hospital glass door. The clicking of my heels toward him makes him look up.

He smiles but then his happiness immediately disappears when he sees me.

"You okay? Look like you just saw a ghost."

"I don't know if I'm okay right now. But maybe I will be. Listen, go home. My sister and I are catching up. Thank you for taking me to prom, and hopefully I haven't made you regret it." I say.

"No, no, of course you haven't. I wouldn't have had it any other way. You sure you'll be alright?" He gazes at me.

I nod slightly and force a smile. "Yes."

Collin sighs of relief. "Good night Aniko."

He leans in for a kiss but I step back and cross my arms, turning my head to the side.

Collin rubs the back of his neck with unease. "Sorry, you just looked so—"

"Good night Collin." I whisper.

I turn back and walk into the hospital.

-

Zara and I spend another two hours in the hospital lobby, chatting, crying and reminiscing about old times.

I finally get a chance to meet her husband, Ernest. He's a sweet and encouraging as I remember him. Zara is so lucky. The two make a great couple.

"During the summer, you've got to fly over to us in Cali. You'll love it there!"

I smile. "I'm sure I will. I've never been. You got to take me to Hollywood."

"Done! We'll be staying in town for a little bit, so we'll be at your graduation."

"Thanks Zara." I say this absently, thinking about how I'll be returning home to my aunt and father. Not my mom.

Zara drives me back home. Aunt Autumn and Dad are asleep, so I just go in through the front door.

So many things are swirling around in my head. Mom, Zara, Michael.

I don't know where to start or what to think about all of this. Should I tell Cer? No, I need to actually digest all of this first.

I climb up the stairs slowly and flip the light switch on in my room. I slide out of my dress unbraid my hair and rid my face of the layers and layers of makeup I put on.

What a memorable prom.

I sigh and fall backwards on my bed, then reach over on the shelf and grab my journal.

I decide to write a song for the mother I never met.

She would have been amazing. She would have been inspirational. She would have been my role model. My best friend. My everything.

I keep thinking about what life should've been with her every step of the way. I think of how different I would have turned out.

I hum the song to myself, wondering if she would like it.

Then I close my journal and clutch it close to my chest, sobbing quietly into the night.

--

Chapter 21.

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~Joy.