Behind that poker face

Chapter 20

   THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER. CHAPTER 19 IS THE END OF 'BEHIND THAT POKER FACE'

THIS IS LIKE AN ANALYSIS TO 'BEHIND THAT POKER FACE'. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

The reason why I wrote this story is to shape my thoughts and let myself know what do I want and what do I hate. Han Jieun is basically me in a fictional world. The other characters are the ones I wish I have around me or I loath the most (especially Byun Baekhyun in this story).

The reason why I killed Han Jieun is because I want to kill the thoughts I have before this year ends. Han Jieun is looking for perfection : perfect position in society, perfect husband, perfect job, perfect figure of a powerful woman. I am the one who's looking for that and I realized I can't have everything in my pocket.

The reason why this story is written from Kim Jongin's point of view is because I'm craving for someone to look at me the way he looked at Han Jieun, the way he approached her, broke her walls and emerged in her life even if it's wrecked. I am someone that has never had a lover. It's not because I've never been asked out but it's because I prioritize myself, my life and my future and have high standards.

The reason all these characters scream realism in my opinion because this is what I am seeing in real life: people using people and people chasing money.

In this story, Han Jieun is fighting the patriarchal society seeing that our world only respects what men do, what men say, what men look like. Han Jieun is the face of feminism in here. Yet, even if she craves for power, emotions always win when it comes to women. On the other hand, Byun Baekhyun is the face of patriarchy, proud of his manhood and success. Let's face it, few men would accept their sterile wives, at least in my society.

I framed my fears in this story, starting with sterility, being put on the second spot, being left behind, becoming confused within my personality and most importantly falling in love with the wrong person. Kim Jongin is everything I hate in a man: a narcissist, a businessman who knows numbers very well, a womanizer and someone who likes to own. Yet, if he's real I would definitely fall head over heels for him.

I am not a professional writer, I wish I am, but pouring all of my emotions and thoughts, showing parts of my imperfections to some random readers make me relieved. It's like screaming and crying and hitting the walls with bare fists.

I was emotional until I started writing this story. I learned how to keep things inside of me then write it down. It's not good, trust me. It's called growing up and I don't like it this far.

This is the end of my story Behind That Poker Face but believe me if you know me, you would've named my life as Behind That Smiley Face. I'm good at hiding rather than acting strong.

Thank you so much for following, reading and leaving comments. It made me glad to be with Han Jieun, Kim Jongin and other characters for a year and a half.

And well, till the next time we meet.

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