Loneliness H.S

Chapter Thirty Two

6 months later

"When was the first time the hallucinations started?" My therapist asks from her office chair.

"5 months ago." I answer in a dull voice, as I move even closer to the end of the couch. I don't want to talk to her. I don't see the point in talking to a person you don't know about what's bothering you. I didn't even want to come here, but Louis made me.

After we got here I almost didn't sleep for a whole month, because I couldn't sleep without him. After that month I think I missed him so much my mind started playing tricks on me. I could see him every night, holding around me until I fell asleep, but every morning he was gone, and every night he came back. When Louis found out he started getting worried thinking it's not healthy for me, so he decided to send me to talk to a therapist.

"Why do you think they first started?" She asks writing down the whole conversation. How I move, how I look, How my voice sounds when I talk, and what I say.

"I don't know." The truth is I do. The hardest part about it all was learning to live without him, and I couldn't do that, so my mind made it seem like he was there. The same voice, face, body, everything else was just like him.

I never moved to a loft with an amazing view like I wanted, and I never got a job in a cafe. I haven't painted in a long time, because what I paint turns out even more depressing then me. I live with Louis instead, and he is respectful, knowing when I need to be alone, which is most of the time. Everyone has tried to make me feel better, and help me, but nothing other than him can do that.

"How do you think you can make it stop?"

"I don't know." I say once again, because I don't want it to stop. If I can't have him with me at all times, I at least want to have him with me at night. I want that little bit of happiness at the end of a sad day, which has been everyday since we left.

"Okay, it's clear that you don't want to talk to me, and figure out a solution to the problem. Therefor the only thing I can offer is some options on how to maybe put an end to this." She tells me bringing my attention to her for the first time since this lesson started, only having half listened to her. "You can try and figure it out on your own, or I can help you forget."

"Forget?"

"Yes. I can help you forget him, almost erase him from your memory, but that will take a lot from you." She explains putting her note pad away, letting this conversation go undocumented.

"How?" I ask wondering how this women can erase a person from my memory.

"It's a type of hypnotize. I will put you into a sleep like state, and from there we have to erase one memory at a time. You should take it into consideration, because you have to replay almost every moment with him, and that can often be a little too much for certain people." She says, and stands up from her chair. 

Do I want to forget him? Do I want to forget the only person I met that made it feel like everything was going to be okay? After I lost him, I didn't care about loosing anything else, so maybe if I do forget him I will be able to start over. With a whole heart, and a clear mind. Not clouded by the image of him. "Okay, I'll do it."

-

"Are you ready?" She asks as I lay down on the couch, holding my necklace in her hand. She said she needs to have something that I feel connected to him with her while she does it.

I called Louis after she suggested this, and he came down here right away. He wanted to talk to the therapist to check if her intentions were good, and they were. He was against the idea at first, but he is the one person that knows how much I have been struggling with loosing Harry. How I used to believe that he would just show up out of nowhere. After some time he agreed, and decided to wait out in the hall while I do this.