A Jock, A Nerd, and A Bet

38. Abby

The next day, I didn't move out of bed. I stayed in the whole time, unless I had to pee. I didn't go downstairs to eat or come out to talk to anyone. I simply stayed in bed all day and cried. My parents came in and checked on me, but I would just tell them to go away. Same with Alyssa and Jake. I wasn't trying to push everyone away, I just didn't want them to see me like this. Broken. Of course, Jordan tried calling and texting me. I just turned my phone off.

On the third day, I stopped crying. Not because I was feeling better, but because I literally couldn't cry anymore tears. I didn't have any tears left to cry. I just quietly sobbed to myself. I did go downstairs that day and attempted to eat. Food just didn't taste the same. I couldn't stomach the food, so there was no point in me trying to eat it. I didn't go to school the first two days and neither did Jake. He stayed home to watch me, but I secretly knew that he stayed home just to make sure Jordan didn't show up to the house to talk to me. I was grateful for that. I still hadn't turned on my phone by this day.

Day six, I got out of bed. I was tired of staring at the ceiling and telling myself how stupid I am. I was still broken and hurt, but my family and friends didn't deserve the harsh treatment I was giving them. I took a shower and made myself somewhat presentable and made my way downstairs. That day I ate more than just dinner. I ate a little breakfast, but I skipped lunch. I talked a little and by talking I mean short answers like yes or no. Speaking was hard when your voice is hoarse from crying so much. Jordan had been coming by more and more. At least five times a day.

On day eight, I returned to school. Jake told me I could stay home, but I couldn't hide forever. I still had to graduate and due to the fact that I missed a whole week of school, I was probably behind on a few assignments. I walked the halls with Jake and Alyssa by my side like the first day of school. By now, the news about me and Jordan's break up was all over the school. Most people knew what happened, courtesy to Virginia. Some people laughed and pointed at me and some gave me sympathetic looks. I didn't pay attention them though. I was in my own world. I was drowning in a sea full of hurt. We started back sitting at the table we sat at the beginning of the year at lunch. Jordan tried to approach me, but it only ended up with Jake punching him in the face. Then Jake and Troy got into a fight because of Jake punching Jordan in the face. Alyssa had to get Daniel and Ryan to break it up. I made eye contact with Jordan and I broke further. I thought I was done crying, but I was wrong. I ran out of the cafeteria that day with tears streaming down my face.

As the weeks went on, the pain seemed to grow. I found myself missing him and wanting to be around him. Before, I was pissed and mad and wanted nothing to do with him, but now I miss his presence. The way he made me laugh and smile. I would sit in my room for hours, playing with the necklace that he got me over spring break. Once, I took it off and threw it against the wall. It wasn't even a full ten seconds when I ran over to the necklace and put it back on. For some reason, I found comfort in it. It was like a part of him was still with me. The good parts that made me happy. Even if they were all lies.

Matt came a week early because of graduation. He immediately noticed my lack of enthusiasm and tried to get me to spill what was wrong with me. I wouldn't tell him, though. I wouldn't even let Jake tell him. If I told him why I was so upset and sad, Jordan would be ten feet under right now.

When graduation came, I did my valedictorian speech -that I had to do last minute- and accepted my diploma.

After that, I left. I was miserable there. Seeing everyone so happy while I was the only one wishing that the ceremony would hurry up and end. I allowed myself to take a glance at Jordan. His eyes had dark circles under them, he hadn't shaved and small stubble was appearing on his face, and altogether he just looked like the energy was drained out of him. He looked like I did. Broken.