Bulletproof

55.

Short chapter because I'm supposed to go out to dinner with my mom and siblings...

55. I Can't Do This Anymore.

"Your fingers look like raisins" Austin chuckles, looking at my fingers.

"Yeah, well I'm sure yours do too" I giggle "But if you're so worried about it, then we can get out and just watch a movie"

"And see you with clothes back on, no thanks" He chuckles, kissing my collarbone.

"No one said I had to put clothes back on, my mom always said not to wear more than one outfit a day" I wink, and he chuckles "Come on, I still have some of your clothes here" I swim to the edge of the pull and hoist myself up and over the side, walking into my house. I curse for not remembering to bring a towel and I jog up quickly to get two and run back down to Austin, seeing him squeezing water out of his boxers.

"Here you go" I toss him a towel, and he catches it.

"Thanks" He smiles, drying off his legs, and torso before wrapping the towel around his waist.

"Come on, we can get clothes on" I grab his hand and pull him up to my room. I push him down into my rocking chair, and hand him a pair of boxers and sweatpants.

He changes into them as I look through my drawers for a pair of underwear and a bra. I pull them on, and drop the towel before clipping my bra, and I take my towel and Austin's and put it into the hamper.

Austin walks up from behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my shoulder. I sigh in content, but at the same time a guilty feeling settles in my stomach. I turn myself around in his arms, and rest my hands on his shoulders.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks me.

"Just how happy I am to be out of high school" I laugh through my lie "Now how about you pick out a movie, and I'll go downstairs and make popcorn"

"Sounds like a plan" He nods, kissing my cheek. He turns and walks to my movie cabinet in my room, looking over the millions of movies I have. I grab my phone from my bed, and jog down the steps, dialing Mark's number.

"Hello?"

"I hate myself" I frown, putting popcorn into the microwave.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I feel so guilty, I'm basically playing with his feelings, and I know he thinks that there's a chance but there isn't" I sigh.

"Don't say there isn't a chance because there is, everyone deserves second chances and you may not want to give him one now, but I know you will soon"

"I feel awful, I don't know what to do Mark"

"Talk to him, apologize for everything. Invite him to Firefly, and Warped Tour"

"What does inviting him have to do with anything?" I ask.

"Well think, camping out at Firefly for three days will help rekindle your relationship, and if you invite him to one you might as well invite him to the other"

"Is rekindling even worth it Mark?" I bite my lip, opening the microwave and replacing the finished bag with a new one.

"You love Austin more than anything, and I use the present tense because I know you still love him, so Brogan rekindling is totally worth it, that and we both know we're going to UCLA so it's better to start over and be on good terms"

"You're right, I'm going to go and apologize now, and hopefully he'll forgive me, but on a different note, I think my mom told him about Cameron and I and what she thinks I did with Ryder"

"What does she think you did with Ryder?"

"She thinks because he came out of my room that we slept together, but something completely different happened" I roll my eyes.

"And what happened?"

"He told me he was gay, and that he has a crush on you" I giggle, and Mark gasps.

"Holy shit, yes! Mark is going to get some tush!"

"I'll send you his number" I laugh "But I have to go, my popcorn is done and Austin is waiting"

"Okay, remember do it sooner because you'll never do it later" Mark says before hanging up.

I slide my phone into the waistband of my underwear and pour both bags of popcorn into a bowl carrying it back upstairs. I sit the popcorn on my bed, and take a deep breath.

"I can't do this anymore" I blurt and Austin looks at me in confusion.

"What?"

"I know I'm hurting you, you might not notice it but I do. Austin I know you love me and I love you, believe me I do, but I just don't think right now is the best time to start a new relationship. I know I've made it seem like everything was getting better between us but I just didn't want to see you hurt, and then I realized that doing this hurt me because nothing was working, I'm so sorry"

"It's fine, really" He nods with a sad smile.

"I don't want you to think it's all off the table, because it isn't" I shake my head "And I want to still have you in my life, but as friends for now"

"Friends" He repeats "I can deal with that"

"And if you'd like, as friends, you can come with us to Firefly, after all you bought me the tickets, and Warped Tour in included" I wink and he chuckles.

"I'd like that, but can I ask for a favor?"

"Anything" I nod.

"Can I just have one more kiss? The non-friendly kind" He chuckles, and I nod, biting my lip. He smiles, and walks over to me, leaning down to press his lips to mine in a short, soft kiss. I savor the moment for as long as possible, wanting to hold onto this moment because I don't know when this will happen again.

"I'll always love you" I whisper, and he nods.

"And I'll always love you"

:::

...that just happened

Love, Bad_Boy_Hemmo