It's Not You Anymore

Running Away

I wasn’t sure how long it had been since I had ran away from the others at the Base, but I was positive it had been far too long. The night had fallen hours ago and the sound of panic in the voices of my pack mates had steadily increased and almost reached its peak by the time I decided to turn around and return home. They had been searching for me since the moment that I had left, which hadn’t surprised me. I had never expected anything else, they had been calling to me over and over pleading with me to come back, pleading with me to just listen to them, but none of them had been able to find me.

My father had trained me in many things as a pup, one of them being the ability to hide when I didn’t want to be found. I knew how to throw my scent, how to hide my scent, so that no one would find me until I wanted to be found. My father had always made sure I was prepared for anything and never left defenseless, though no one other than Victor, Elias, and Zaden knew that, it didn’t make it any less true. It surprised me that even with this knowledge they had sent anyone after me at all.

Shifting I approached Victors home carefully. There didn’t seem to be anyone other than Arianna but then again not all pack members drove. As I approached, however, the door swung open and Arianna quickly motioned me inside without saying a word.

Once the door was firmly shut behind us, she turned on me with a heavy glare as she crossed her arms over her heavily rounded stomach. “Do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?” she demanded quickly. I raised a brow as I eyed her. She had dark circles under her brown eyes that told me she wasn’t sleeping very well, which I didn’t doubt considering how close she had to be. She wore one of Vic’s long T-shirts and a pair of black sweats, which was not like her at all. For as long as Arianna and I had known each other she had always been the kind to dress completely before leaving the house. I had never seen her in a pair of sweats outside of her house a day in my life. “I’m tired okay?” she said even as she smiled and shook her head. “She doesn’t let me sleep much.”

“Imagine it with twins.” I said with a chuckle and I saw her shudder.

“Let’s not change the subject here. Jacqlynn, you are in a lot of trouble. Vic is furious you ran off, and Zaden is going crazy.”

“I had to. I had to get away. I can’t take all of this at once Ari.” I murmured as I speared my fingers through my hair and turned away from her. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror in her hall way. I too had heavy bags under my eyes that were swirled with black rather than their normal blue green swirl. My skin was paler; almost chalk white rather than its creamy ivory color. I sighed, oh yeah; I was in trouble when they found me. Which I had no doubt that they would.

“Take all of what Jacqlynn? Tell me what’s going on? No one will tell me anything.”

“Elias went to the council. He told them that he believed the twins to be his and that Zaden and I were lying about it. They took the twins until the tests show that the true father is Zaden which isn’t for another several days apparently. Not only that but they separated them! The have never been away from each other a day in their lives!” I exclaimed angry all over again about the entire situation. Vane had said he had no idea about any of it but could I truly believe him? I didn’t know this man at all? True, Vic and Zaden both seemed to trust him but hadn’t he said it was his job to watch over the twins. Hadn’t he said they were in his care?

“Oh my.” Arianna whispered clutching her stomach protectively. I simply nodded. Not sure what to really sat at this point. “But why did you run off?”

“Like I said. I can’t handle this all at once. Between fighting with Zaden about Elias just before the twins were taken, and getting pregnant again, now finding out my babies are being kept from me until someone else decides that I am telling the truth?”

“You’re pregnant again?” she asked. I nodded. “Yeah I can see that as being a lot to take in.” she said quietly as she seemed to look me up and down for a long stretch of time. “Did you ever stop to think that this could be just as hard for Zaden?” she asked.

“What?”

“You ran off from everyone because you say you can’t take it all, but have you considered that this is just as hard for Zaden as it is for you? He’s a male Jacqlynn. An Alpha male at that. He isn’t going to let anyone know how he is truly feeling but you of all people should understand that he is going through just as much as you are. Those are his pups just as much as they are yours. And he has been there every day since you got pregnant. It’s not fair to run away from him like this is his fault just as much as it is everyone else’s.”

I stared at her, chewing her words over and over in my mind. I had been treating Zaden like this was all his fault, and had never once taken into consideration just what it was he was going through as well. Guilt washed over me and formed tight knots in my stomach as realization hit. I hadn’t been focused on anyone other than myself and it was not just me in this. Groaning, I scrubbed my face with my hands. He had to damn to near hate me at this point.

“Uh-oh.” I heard Arianna murmur just before the door flew open and in came furious Victor.

“Where in the hell have you been?” he roared and I stiffened, glaring at him.

“Don’t start with me Victor.”

“Answer me!”

“Running!”

“Out, by yourself? Without telling anyone where you were? Do you have any idea what could have happened ? You know we haven’t stamped out all of the poachers! We run in groups for that very reason! You could have been hurt! Killed! You’re pregnant Jacqlynn! It’s not just you, you have to worry about right now!” he snarled, and I winced feeling tears well up in my eyes as I looked down to the tile beneath my feet. There was nothing I could say because he was right. I had been careless, reckless even, putting not only my life in possible danger but the life of my unborn pup. “What were you th-?” He began but Arianna cut him off.

“Leave her be Victor! Can’t you see she has had enough?” I heard Victor’s teeth snap shut be he listened to his mate and said nothing more.

“She may be able to save you from him, but she isn’t able to save you from me.” Rumbled a deep voice from behind Victor, and instantly I ached for him. Zaden stood there in the open doorway with his eyes locked right on me, his gaze hard and angry. And it was in that moment that I was positive Arianna was right. Without a word I flung myself at him wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and burying my face in his chest.

“I’m sorry Zaden, I’m so sorry.” He didn’t say anything but he didn’t make any move to return my embrace either, which only caused the tears to flow harder as I realized just how angry he was. “I’m sorry Zaden. I wasn’t thinking of anything other than myself and my need to get away from everything. This is all a lot for me, and I realize I’m lashing out at you and acting like this is your fault but it’s not. I know this is hard on you too, and I know I haven’t been a very good mate by ignoring that fact and focusing on myself only. If you hate me I understand I don’t blame you. This is entirely my fault.”

With a growl he crushed his arms around me and held me tightly to him. “Don’t you ever think that I hate you Jacqlynn. I love you, I couldn’t ever hate you, so don’t ever think that. This is not your fault. We all know whose fault this is and it isn’t yours. This is harder on you than it is the rest of us. Granted it is hard on me also but nowhere near as hard as it is on you. So don’t you dare apologize to me for being upset, and don’t you ever tell me to hate you!” he growled. I only nodded clinging to him for dear life. “I love you and the only thing I have ever wished to change about you is for you to stop running away from me when things are a lot to handle.” He explained quietly.

“I will. I’m sorry Z.” I murmured against his chest.

Cupping my chin to tilt my eyes to his he shook his head. “Don’t apologize to me baby.” He said as he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. Instantly I melted into hi so that the only thing supporting me was his arms around my body. “Come on baby. Let’s get you home, fed and into bed. You will feel better in the morning and we will go from there.” He said scooping me into his arms.