12: Bending The Rules

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Stampys pov

Amy is dead. Ash is dead. My sister is dead. Tom is dead and I've got nowhere else to go.. I know who's going to be next.. I just know it..
It's going to be me..

On the verge of a mental breakdown.
Walking out in the open.
Alone with three friends.
Life didn't really matter because I felt empty inside.
Regretting every movement I made.
Time collapsing inside my mind.
Life raging inside my brain.
I felt that if I died now life would be no different. Except there would be no life at all.
I'd already lost my friends, and I was only going to lose more as time went on.
Should I die?
Is death eternal or is it just death, like a dream.
Is there any less dignity in killing oneself than being killed by ones enemy?
David walked beside me and James behind, we all followed John, who held out his gun as we walked.
The sky was empty of planes, for all that we could see, but it was dark and cloudy.
"Stamps.." David said, I looked over to him, "you should vlog." I shook my head and looked down,
"No seriously, you should, Stampylongnose gotta have content."
"Stampylongnose is dead." I faced him. Glad we didn't have our radios anymore.
"Stamps.. You're falling apart.." David looked at me sympathetically and poked the pocket in which I kept my camera. I sighed, shaking my head. Suppose I did want to vlog.
I sighed, taking out my phone. I pressed film. But before I could speak I broke down. I fell to my knees, David ran over to catch me and John and James surrounded me. I quickly grabbed my gun, pointing it at the side of my head.
"Joseph no!" David yelled, "don't you dare!"
I dropped the gun, unaware what was going on, I blacked out.

"I miss you Joe"
"Joe? Joe! Stampy! Stay with me, please don't leave me! Please.."
"He saw so many things I would never dream of seeing.."
"Look at what happened..."

Squids pov

"He's gone.. He's completely gone. Help!" James and John rushed to help, John moved in, checking his pulse and feeling the sides of his face.
"Come on Joe! Come on your the strongest!" He urged, panicking as he unzipped Stampy's suit, pressing hard against his chest.
I picked up Joes phone, it was still on. I turned it off before putting it into my pocket.
"Come on." I heard James say. I looked back to Joe who was lying motionless, and John was pumping his heart out.
I moved closer, seeing Johns pattern of pumping and breathing.
"Can I take over?" I asked, he nodded, I started to pump and pump at his limp body, I did it for my best friend, I did it for my dead friends, I did it for the people I love, I did it for Nicole I did it for my baby my precious, precious child that I loved with my heart. I did it for love, because I had grown to love Joe, because he was my best friend.
All of a sudden John told me to stop, there was a pulse. I put my face on his stomach, crying with relief. James put his hand on my back to comfort me as John put his arm around my neck.
"Well done, mate." John whispered. Joe's stomach moved, I felt his arm twitch. I put my head up, when I saw him open his bloodshot eyes I pulled him into a hug. I deep hard hug, for everything we had done and everything we were yet to do. I hugged him, crying, "oh stamps what would I do without you?!" Tears and sweat trickled down my face.
"Everything.." He whispered. Making me hug him even harder.
"Can you stand up.?" John asked, grabbing Joes arm.
Joe nodded, limping between the arms of James and John.
"Slowly." I said. Grabbing his back and slowing helping him up.
"I don't think we'll go out today. I might later on. Joe you need some rest. Let's go back to base."Joe nodded as we carried him back to where we started.

When we got back to the base Joe collapsed onto the floor and we sat down beside him.
"You gonna tell Beth?"
"No, she doesn't need to know everything."
"Alright, mate. Just.. Be safe, I don't know what I'd do without you." I leaned on his shoulder, holding my back into a more comfortable position.
Joe continued to lie with his eyes open, looking up to the ceiling.
"You wanted to die, didn't you." I deduced.
James turned around and stared at Stampy.
"It's true though, isn't it?"
Stampy nodded, looking down with sad eyes.
"Stamps.. Please." I began, "never.. Never ever do anything like this again."
"Don't tell me how to live my life." Stampy uttered with a motionless face. I was shocked by his lack of respect. I thought.. I thought we were close.. I thought he was my best friend I thought..
"Dave's not telling you how to live your life, he's simply telling you to live it." James said. Smiling at me, he knew I needed a hand.
"Did Beth's letter mean nothing to you? You only happen once, enjoy this happening. Stampy you are so loved, by so many millions of people- don't you dare let them down!" I told him. Before building up the courage to add, "don't let me down."
Stampy blankly smiled, his eyes glistened with tears that fell as he closed his eyelids to sleep.
I looked again at James, who had clutched his chest with his hands and curled into a ball before I closed my eyes and slept.

Stampys pov

Everyone else was still asleep, John, at the end of the room, James opposite me, David beside me... I looked again at James.. Squinting my eyes I realised he was so pale, he had grown whiter.
"James?" I said, my heart tight, was he okay? James opened his eyes and wave of relief filed me.
"Oh it's alright.." I sighed. James put his head back down, he was definitely unwell, that's for sure. He had been acting strange these last few days, I was worried about him.
I decided to look at all my footage, I slipped my hand into my pocket but couldn't find my phone. I panicked. My phone wasn't there. I checked all my other pockets but not finding the all important phone.
My heart started to press against my chest, thinking to myself where did I have it last.
Yes, out on the field. Where I fell.
I thought about going out to find it, I looked around, no one was awake. I decided to go out on my own, not wanting to bother anyone.
I slowly started to make my way to the entrance of the base,
"Where do you think you're going? It's breaking the rules to go out alone." It was John, I shivered, walking back. I couldn't tell him that I was going to find my phone,
"Just.. For a walk." I said,
"I'm afraid I can't permit to that, Joe. Come on mate." Replied John, looking me in the eyes. I sighed with annoyance, before walking back to John and sitting down.
"You got family?" He asked me,
"Well.. I have my tw- my sister, and my parents."
"Sorry 'bout Netty. Your a strong guy."
I nodded. "So what made you join the army in the first place?" I asked him,
"Oh. Good question. My grandfather was in the first two world wars, he survived them both, when I was younger he kept saying my brother would've made it but I never would. "
"And here you are."
"Here I am." He sighed, "sort of thinking he was right."
I tutted, "course not! Your the best guide there is!" 
"Thanks mate. Means a lot." He pulled out a photograph of his daughter before stowing it away in his pocket, sighing.
"Wish I had a father like you." I said, truthfully.
"No. No you don't. I'm a terrible father. I've hardly seen my daughter, my brother who lives in a America has seen my daughter more than me."
"Well if that's not loyalty or love, what is it?" I asked pointing at his pocket, "you still love her. Now that's a true father."
"Everyone loves their kids." John Muttered,
"You'd be surprised." I told him, thinking about Ash's parents.
John looked at me, before turning away and bit his lip. He wiped the sweat from his brow. His eyes shined with tears that wouldn't quite appear. He stood up. "I'm going out for some air, be back in a bit."
"Isn't that against the rules?"
"They don't apply to me." He replied sternly. I had never seen him like this before.

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