Conversations From Afar

45 / reassurance

[lavinia=bae^] 

heh one of my favourite shakespeare lines is "villain i have done thy mother" so classy

TODAY IN BIOLOGY (we're studying the nervous system) we did a lab on receptors and such and literally spent an hour having my friend stab me in the arm with straw and toothpicks saying "do you feel this?" "does this hurt" i still have holes and i may have pressed hard on his oops i apologized tho even though i laughed in the moment anyway

how is this allowed, i mean really

***

I lie on Ellis' bed with Wendy's chicken fingers on a paper plate balanced on my stomach. He draws at his desk with a forgotten wrap.

I open Cam's most recent text, a video of Klose sitting on the fridge, punctuated by two laughs that aren't his. One of which is distressingly female.

"He's not a cheater," I say aloud. Ellis doesn't look up, but pours some water from an Aquafina bottle into a coffee cup. He opens his watercolour pallet.

"I don't think Cam's cheating on you."

"Of course he's not."

"Then why'd you say it?"

Because I don't want it to be true?

"He can have friends who are girls," he says. I watch as he traces a do brush over his ink drawing. "I mean, he doesn't care about us being friends."

"Mm."

"I wouldn't worry about it."

"But it's different."

"Why?"

"Because he's the one who left, he's not allowed to be jealous."

He turns and rests forearms on the chair back. His eyes are soft, compassionate. "When do you see him next?"

"I guess Christmas."

"I really don't think he would cheat on you."

"Yeah, I know."

"Just call him. Talk a bit, like before."

"It doesn't feel the same."

"It's better than nothing, especially this ridiculous texting-avoidance thing you're doing right now."

I dial instead of selecting his contact, just to remember the numbers with my fingers again.

"Hello?" He sounds distracted, and I regret it.

"Hey."

"Kat." There's a change to his voice, I can't explain it. It's warmer, kinder. Reassurance floods my heart. "How are you?"

"Not great."

There's a pause, just breath. The soft background noise changes, there's a door-closing sound, then it's quieter. "I love you."

"I..." I feel choked up, and Ellis respectfully puts headphones in and haunches over his sketchbook.

He waits, and it's quiet and close. I sigh. "Hey, I know someone who's driving down to Sydney next weekend."

"Oh?"

"I could come and stay for a couple days."

"Really?"

"Yeah...want to?"

My chest fills with something between fear and exhilaration. "Yes."