Conversations From Afar

presents / 95

"Okay, so your second present is inside of the first." Cam deposits a oddly shaped mound wrapped in tissue paper on my lap that mirrors the oddly wrapped tissue mound I gave to him.

"Did we both use recycled-from-this-morning tissue paper?" I ask, and he gives a short little laugh as he shakes his gift near his ear.

"Save the planet? Reduce reuse recycle?"

"Laziness."

The first gift is a soft backpack-purse with dark leather and minimalistic pockets.

"Oh, I was running out of face stuff," he comments as he takes the kit apart and smells each product. "This one's nice, it's like mint and water. Minty water freshness."

The second gift is an airline envelope with a ticket voucher.

I hug him with the Keihl's bottles rattling between our bellies and his hands warming the space below my shoulder blades. "Thank you."

"So what do you want to do for the rest of the night?"

"Mm..." I lean away, against his pillow wall (though I made it), "You're technically babysitting, right?"

"Well..."

"Camm, can you make me a snack?" I can't tell which brother whines from outside of the door.

He can, and calls back: "Alec, just ask Viv."

"Vivienne said something about doing something to gender roles and that I had to ask you."

He plants a quick kiss on my lips before hopping off the bed and joining his littlest brother in the hallway asking where Gabriel is. Alec replies, "He can't cook."

I explore the little inside pockets of the backpack, good and unfold the ticket.

I pick up my phone a second before it chimes with a text from Gabriel: kat.

Hmm? I reply.

please meet me in the upstairs bathroom.

It's locked and I use the nail-key above the doorframe. He's on the floor, all curled up on himself. Long legs, messy hair, hugged arms.

"Hey." His chin rests on his forearms, his lips pouted and his eyes a little more than shiny.

"Everything okay?"

He shakes his head then shakes it some more. "No."

I lower myself down on the bath mat beside him. The fluffy material is still damp through my leggings from the last shower. "Talk to me."

"I think I may have had a panic attack." He looks shaken. So out of sorts that it's hard to recognize him. Not bubbly, put-together Gabriel with a quip for any and every situation.

"Why?" I'm not good at this. Cam should be here. Why. Who asks "why?"

"Abby just texted me that she relapsed this week and I feel guilty because I had planned to go home with her then cancelled because I wanted to hang out with Cam. If I'd been there...maybe she wouldn't have, maybe... did you know that half of people with an eating disorder have considered suicide?"

"Um... it's not your fault." Lame. He's hiding his face now, what do I do? What do I do?

So I text Cam.

"Maybe your brother could help." He makes a sad, sniffy sound.

"Yeah...maybe. Where is he?"

Cam pushes the door open with soft expression. "Gabriel."

He says Gabriel differently when he's concerned, less like Gab-ree-elle, more like Gab-reel.

I scoot to my feet, only half guilty that I couldn't help because I'm sure Cam can do much better.

As I close the door behind me Cam lowers himself down beside his brother, wrapping an arm around his quivering shoulders. Gabriel looks young as he leans into him.

"It'll be okay," Cam says in the gentlest voice I've ever heard him use with Gabriel.