Something New

♡ Chapter Fifteen ♡

Aria came home a few weeks ago. I would love to sit here & tell you that things have been great & that Josh & I loved parenthood, but it's just not the truth. 

I'm having a really hard time bonding with her. Since she's so small, her pediatrician recommended that she drink breast milk to get more nutrients. I tried actually breastfeeding, but she was not having it. As a result, I have to pump my milk & Josh has to bottle-feed it to her.

 I've tried everything to help with bonding. I've cuddled, played & talked to her, but it just results in her crying & not stopping until she's being soothed in Josh's arms. This causes a lot of arguments between Josh & me. Tonight's, however, has been the worst one yet. 

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Josh had been doing loads of recording & editing all day, so he was totally out of it. (Not mention he's up with Aria all through the night.) I insisted that he go & get some rest whilst Aria was napping as well. 

"But what if she wakes up?" he asked. 

"Then, I'll handle it." I replied. "Besides, I'm going to need to learn how to do this." 

Josh sighed & stroked his beard. "I guess I could use a power nap." 

I smiled. "Perfect. Go on, then." 

He slightly chucked & placed a kiss on my lips before heading to our bedroom. 

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It was only about half an hour later & I had a screaming Aria in my arms. 

"Shh..Daddy's trying to nap." I tried. 

This came to no avail as she was still wailing. I had rocked her, changed her, & fed her, but nothing seemed to be working. My worst fears were confirmed when Josh came into the living room, looking quiet irritated. 

"What the bloody hell is going on?" 

"S-She woke up." I stuttered. 

Josh scoffed. "Give her here." 

I handed him the screaming baby as well as her pacifier. He managed to coax it into her mouth & rock her gently. Aria was now content. 

"How hard was that?" Josh snapped. 

I looked down at the floor with shame as he lay her back down in the bouncer. 

"You told me you were fine." he said. "You said you could handle it." 

"I thought I could." 

"Yeah, well obviously you couldn't." 

He stormed off to the bedroom once again & followed closely behind him. He dug around in the closet before pulling out a duffel bag out & throwing some clothes in it. 

"Where are you going?" I asked. 

"Around to the Sidemen house. I need a night away." he replied. 

"What am I supposed to do?" 

Josh shrugged. "I guess, you'll figure it out won't you?" 

"Why are you being such a dick?" 

"I'm not, Chelsea, but I'm fed up with being the only one who takes care of Aria. I know things have been tough since your dad died, but you have to be a parent." 

"I've tried-" 

"Please, just don't. I'm tired of hearing excuses. I'll see you later, okay?" 

He pressed a quick kiss to my temple, said goodbye to Aria & left. 

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cliffhanger ayeeeee. yeah i know it was stupid to tell Chelsea to tell the baby that Josh was trying to sleep but i'm tired sooooo yeahhhh. 

xoxo.xx