Winter Toes: No Love (Editing)

WT1| "Okay" - 12

"Everything is going
to be "okay"."

I sat on my bed looking down at my phone where Taylor's contact was spread across the display screen. I wanted to text or call her but I knew she wouldn't answer. Something in my chest told me "just try it" but I knew the odds were against me. How was I supposed to bring up my ex? Niggas don't do that shit. They wait until the ex pops up and ruins everything with the girlfriend that already had trust issues. And that's exactly what I did.

I was trying to convince myself that I owed it to her. Maybe I did but my fingers didn't believe it as they hovered over the blue icons that would give me the option to actually talk to her.

Alright, stop being a bitch, you can text her, nigga. It's just a text. I thought after taking a deep breath. Taylor was mine. I could explain that the other girl was nothing, never was, and never will be then we'll be good and we'll focus on Rei. Maybe I should call instead...

I pressed the blue phone icon to dial her number but another call was coming in. It was the "other" Taylor. She loved to come and go as she pleased. I told her last time that this time I wasn't doing it.

"Stop calling me, Taylor." I told her as soon as I answered the phone. The name owned by two people threw me off because of the simple fact that I could hate and love two different people with the same name. It was like being in a relationship with a girl with an alter ego or split personalities.

"Stop answering, Wyn." She shot back, mocking me before laughing. "I thought you'd be excited to hear from me."

"What would make you think that?" My body temperature was rising and I could feel myself growing angry. I knew she could tell. She knew exactly how to push my buttons.

"Because I got rid of that bitch for you." She said calmly.

I took a deep breath and tried relaxing. Out of all of my brothers, I was the only one that knew how to calm myself down when I was angry. Taylor just got to me.

"I have good news and bad news." She said before pausing as if she expected me to want to hear either. "The good news is that I'm going to the court to get my name changed. The bad news is that you're going to hate what I'm changing it to."

I did a silent prayer, hoping that it wasn't the name I thought. She wouldn't be that sick.

"Melonie." The foul word came out her mouth like it was nothing, then she laughed and hung up.

I threw my phone into the wall. Stupid bitch.

I had decided not to call Taylor after all, being that I was no longer in the mood. I drove over to their house instead. When I pulled up, Lyah's car wasn't there.

Good, we'll be alone. I knocked on the door and awaited an answer. The door was pulled open by... Lyah.

"Where's your car?" I asked calmly, trying not to sound too disappointed.

"She's here, relax." Lyah changed the subject before walking inside. "She's sad as shit and not talking to me. I apologized so many times."

I followed as I listened to her words. I didn't think Lyah knew it but I distributed to that pain she was feeling.

"Where is she?" I whispered, looking to her.

"She just got some food and went upstairs." She told me before pointing and plopping down on the couch.

"Okay." I said then walked to the stairs. I took a deep breath before climbing the steps to her room. I didn't bother to knock, I had to make some boss move before I started acting like a bitch and begging for her to come back. "Taylor."

"Don't..." She mumbled loud enough for me to hear. She was dipping some fish sticks into ranch, looking at the plate as if it was the most interesting thing. "...call me that."

I frowned, knowing the reason but not getting it. There were a lot of girls named Taylor and just because I happened to have an ex with the same name didn't mean that she could just disown her name. I walked in, closing the door behind me, and began thinking up ways to fix this.

"Taylor, that's your damn name. That girl means nothing to me and I-"

"I don't give a fuck about your damn girlfriend, or ex. Whatever." She started before calming down. "Did you hear anything? Find anything?"

"Not yet..." I trailed off, not suspecting that. I had walked into that room with confidence and out of consideration for her feelings, I tried not come on too strong but she was making that difficult.

"Then why are you here coming in my room, closing my door talking to me like we have something to talk about?" She asked, finally looking at me. I could see the hurt in her eyes. As soon as I saw it, she tensed up and looked away. She hated when I saw through her. "Can you just go?"

"I get you're upset. That's fair." I said with a nod, holding my hand out, but I wasn't giving up because that was one thing I was bad at. "But we do have something to talk about until I can find her."

"No we don't." She said, standing up abruptly making her food fall off her plate. As she threw it all back on, I walked around to her and wrapped my arms around her. "Don't touch me."

"Nah man, we have plenty to talk about." I told her, finding comfort in her body. I felt as if it had been forever since she let me hold her, even though it was only two or three days ago. "Just listen to me, bro."

She pushed me off her and rejection filled the space she once filled. She covered her face and I immediately knew she was crying.

I pulled her back to comfort her and what was silent was now loud as I buried her head in my chest. "I'm sorry." I whispered in her ear.

Her wet face melted against my chest and I held her tight, close to my heart as she started talking.

"I'm so tired of this shit. I'm losing everybody and I don't have anything left. First my dad left us, then my best friend killed himself, the only sister that gave one shit about me... I still don't know where she is, I just got a call that mom passed from lupus, do know when the last time I talked to her? Because I don't. Rei is fucking missing, man, and I can't take this shit. I can't. It's like whenever something goes good for me and when I finally think I can give in to love, life just keeps playing with me." She said, only breathing between a few sentences.

I rubbed her back as all of her troubles were pouring down my chest.

"We're going to find Rei just like you found love, I'm not going anywhere, Taylor. And don't tell me not to call you that again because that's your fucking name and no bitch can take that from you. I'm here, I'll always be here." I told her and I meant it. I would never make that mistake again.

I couldn't afford it.